


Silence Before The Storm

by MizUnderstood2136



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Manipulation, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2018-12-21 05:23:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11937213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizUnderstood2136/pseuds/MizUnderstood2136
Summary: Meryna Trevelyan was hiding. From the world at large? From herself?Set post-Trespasser, Meryna has gone into hiding after disbanding the Inquisition. Between losing her arm, and all of her friends going on their way, she needed to get away from her huge empty castle. Dagna and Sera accompany her to the ever lovely Rivain. The Voices from the Well of Sorrows sent her there.And what does she find?Another mage in hiding.Can they get past their pasts and work together to save the world?EDIT - Recently I was gifted with a beautifully written poem based on this very story, by the amazing Nymeria Snow. This blew me away!http://archiveofourown.org/works/13404888Please! Go and read, enjoy it as much as I did! And still do! I've read it at least 5 times already!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one came as a surprise to me. Started as a dream and over the course of 2 days I wrote it all. I re-read it today and it's well along enough to give it a try.  
> Obviously this is all conjecture - since we have zero clue what could actually happen after Trespasser. So I took a bit of artistic license and slathered it in my own wants.  
> Please - enjoy!

**My name is Meryna. Meryna Elyse Trevelyan. Formerly known as the Inquisitor. Formerly known as the Herald of Andraste. Though to many, I am still both, even though I disbanded the Inquisition. The Exalted Council came as a surprise to us all. As did the treachery within. Elves working for Solas, who was indeed Fen’Harel. Others working for the Vidassala, who was on a mission to destroy anyone not of the Qun, as we were a danger to the world itself. I lost the mark, and with it my arm. When I had gotten back to the palace, after confronting Solas and hearing him out, I had been rushed to the hospital wing of the palace and undergone hours of magical procedures to stop me from dying.** **  
** **2 days later I had interrupted the council, barely able to walk. But I made some grand speech about how the Inquisition was done. And I was done, and that we would lay down our banners and rejoin the world. In secret we planned. Cassandra was the Divine, and she was working with Leliana and Josephine to gather people outside of Solas’ influence. And I left. Skyhold was mine for the time being, but I needed to go for a while. Dorian was back in Tevinter, stirring the pot as an official Magister. Bull was off saving the world with the Chargers. Cole and Meryden traveled Thedas, gathering information for us as they could. Blackwall was back with the Wardens. Varric was back in Kirkwall with Kess Hawke and Fenris. Vivienne was off at the new Circle of Magi, Fiona at the College of Enchanters. Cullen was at Skyhold for the time being.** **  
** **And I left. I was so tired. Tired of magic, tired of people trying to kill me. And I needed to find myself before trying to stop Solas. Dagna accompanied me, sure she could create a prosthetic arm for my now missing one. A magic, enchanted arm. Sera accompanied us too, at times, when she wasn’t off causing shenanigans of her own.**

**And we travelled. I had taken an SUV from the Inquisition fleet, and Dagna and I set off to.. See the world. I grew out my hair, hid my mage staff and tried to live like an everyday human. With access to vast amounts of money still. Even after I had paid everyone off, I had enough leftover to keep me comfortable for the next 100 years. Dagna researched constantly, and when we found this coastal town in Rivain with an open manor house I could buy, we set up shop.**

 

I woke in a sweat, my red hair a frothy cloud around my face. I pushed it away with my hand, and flopped back onto the pillow. Damn dreams would never end. A tentative knock sounded at the door. “Inq.. er Mery? Can I come in?” came Dagna’s voice through the door.   
“Of course, Dagna.”   
She opened the door and came in. We were still getting used to the new order of things, and she was still very much in the mindset that I was the all-powerful Inquisitor still. In my heart I knew I was. But right now I was just a mage in hiding trying to not go crazy.   
“Uhm, you need to know. While you slept, you made it snow. Again.” She went to the window and threw open the curtains. And sure enough, there was a fine smattering of snow. In the tropical town of Afsaana. Snow. My magic was beyond unpredictable at this point, and nothing was helping. I got up and padded to the window, waving my hand to try and melt it. Aaand the snow ignored me. It would be gone soon enough anyways, but people were going to get suspicious soon.

“I made some breakfast, then we can run into the town and shop. I think I saw a shop that has some of the metals I need.” I nodded and went to the closet to get dressed. Leliana kept sending me clothes. Easy to use clothes for a one armed wonder. I snorted at myself. Grabbed a bra, some leather leggings, a tank top and a long loose over shirt. And my boots. Went back into the bedroom to find Dagna had left, and I stripped out of my pjs. Stepped into the bra, pulling it up over my hips and settling the straps over my shoulders. Finished dressing, ran hand through my hair and left the bedroom in search of the food I could smell.   
Found Dagna in the dining room eating, and texting someone. Probably Sera. I sat down and started to grab some food. I still had trouble with utensils. I was a leftie. And this whole.. No left hand thing.. Threw me for a real loop. I ate slowly, lost in thought. When I had finished, we left and went into town. Dagna left me to go in search of her “stuff” as she called it, adding the quotes with her fingers. I wandered around, my face half hidden by the huge sunglasses I wore. I window shopped for a bit, not really looking for anything in particular. Then I felt it. This frisson of unease stole down my spine.

**_Hssssss Whhssshhhhhh….._ **

The voices spoke to me. I grimaced. I was here. Whatever I had been drawn here for was.. Here.   
After losing the mark, my magic had been wildly unstable. But I still had an odd connection to the Fade. Like.. the mark had made me irreversibly linked. I could feel where the veil was barely thin, and where there were a lot more spirits than usual. And somewhere in this town, there was something, someone, who was just as connected as me. I looked around, trying to see everything at once. I closed my eyes, and _felt_ . Behind me. I turned, and walked down the street. The people for the most part ignored me, even though I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was pale, pale by any standards. In comparison to their very tanned skin tones, I was ghostly. My hair caught a breeze and flew into my face. I cursed beneath my breath and removed my sunglasses, trying to put the hair back in place. It disagreed with me. I heard a throat clearing behind me, and I turned. There stood a little old lady, tanned and weathered, her white hair in a long braid down her back. She smiled at me.   
“Do you need help, darling?” she asked me in this gorgeous raspy voice. I almost cried. I nodded, and asked if she could braid my hair like hers. She chuckled at me and pointed to a chair at a diner table. “Have a seat then. You must be new around here?” she asked as she started to braid my hair.

“I am. I recently bought the manor house south of the city.”   
“Ah, I know that house. It’s a gorgeous one. A little big for one girl though?” She deftly braided my red curls, and after a minute or so she sat across from me.   
“I’m not alone, my friend is living with me. And her girlfriend when she is around.”   
She nodded, pursing her lips. “Well, let me welcome you. My name is Arlie. I own the little diner here. Been in my family for a hundred years or more!” I smiled at her. “I’m.. Elyse.” I couldn’t bring myself to say my first name. She was sweet but still unknown.   
“Thank you, for your help. This is a semi-new development,” I said, lifting my left arm, “and I’m still not used to my limitations. Your help was very appreciated. And saved me some embarrassment, honestly.”

She laughed. “Oh, my husband lost his arm in a fishing accident a few years back, I know all about limitations. You’ll get there. Just takes some time. You sound like you are from the Free Marches, yes?”

I nodded. Shrewd. “Ostwick, actually. Though I haven’t been there in a few years.”  
“Stuffy people there anyways,” she whispered conspiratorially. I laughed. “They really are, aren’t they?”

“So what brings you to Rivain?” she asked casually. I raised an eyebrow.   
“Honestly, I just needed to go. Life got a bit complicated and I need time. I have the money to take the time, and so here I am, about as far from what got complicated as I can get.”   
“Is your trouble going to follow you? A man perhaps?”

I snorted. “Not so much, no. Last man I was involved with joined the Grey Wardens. I’m well and truly alone, save for my friend. She is shopping at the moment.” As if to punctuate my words, my phone whistled at me. I slipped it out of my pocket and saw a text from Dagna.

**Dagna** **: Are you alright?**

**Me** **: I’m fine. Had a hair snaffu, and an old lady helped me fix it. She is interrogating me now, but seems fairly harmless.**

**Dagna** **: Ok. I’m across the street if you need me.**

I put the phone down. “Sorry, my friend letting me know where she was off to. Do you guys have a clinic around here?” I asked.

She nodded. “Down at the end of the street here, actually. Opened a few years ago. A strange fellow runs it, and helps anyone and everyone. Not sure how he stays in business, but there it is. Are you alright?” she asked, a genuine look of concern on her face. I nodded.   
“I have trouble sleeping sometimes, and I was going to see if there was anything to be done that wasn’t too pharmaceutical. I figure it’s better than going off what I can find online.”   
She chuckled, “But.. if it’s on the internet it must be true!” I laughed.   
“Thank you again for your help, I’ll stop back by on my way home and grab some of your delicious looking pastries to take with me.”   
She stood up and offered her hand. I shook it, and she smiled. “Welcome to Afsaana, Elyse. I hope you love it here as much as I do!” I chuckled and turned to walk down the street in the direction of the clinic she mentioned. I could feel the pull. That strange Fade, thing. Whatever it was. I hesitated when I reached the door, but seriously, I’m The Inquisitor. Fuck that timid shit.   
I opened it and stepped inside, and immediately felt calmer. Not natural, that, but welcome nonetheless. A elderly lady sat at a little white desk. She looked up from her book, raising her eyebrows at me. “Welcome to Haven Sanctuary Clinic, my dear! How can I help you?” she asked with a pleasant voice. I smiled wryly as I walked over to her.   
“Do you have someone I could possibly talk to about sleep issues? I lost,” and I swallowed, “my arm a few months ago, and I’m still having trouble sleeping. And my own doctor is about 4 thousand miles away. Since I’m living here for the interim, it was suggested I come here.”

Her face brightened. “As luck would have it, today we are completely open! I’ll go get Doctor Anderson and we will see what we can do for you!” She got up and disappeared through a door into the back. I wandered the room, stopping by the big window overlooking a cliff set behind the building. The sea was down there, raw and beautiful. I lost myself in thought, until I felt the air change around me. I turned around, and there stood.. A man. Simply put, I was shocked not to see some bright shining presence of greatness. Long ash blond hair pulled back from a lightly bearded face. Dark eyes behind glasses, an eyebrow quirked up at me. I felt heat steal through me.   
“Doctor Anderson I presume?” I asked, my voice a bit lower than I had intended. He nodded. “Would you come with me?” he asked, his voice surprisingly light. I nodded and he led me back into the clinic, after a word with his secretary. I followed him, my body thrumming with whatever Fade magic was happening here. It was positively refreshing. He led me to the very back of the building, into a dark room. I stopped outside the door.   
“No.” It’s all I said. Before I could move, his eyes flashed a bright glowing blue, before settling back on brown. I put my hand on my hip.

“Nifty trick, that. Where did you learn it?” I asked, my voice nonchalant.   
“It’s no trick. I apologize.”   
“I’m sure you do. You are what I felt outside, aren’t you?” His eyes grew wide.   
“What did you feel?”

“The Fade. Or a connection to it. Or something.”  
“How.. how did you feel that?”   
“Because whatever God’s there are out there have seen to it that my lot in life is to be plagued by it.”   
“You’re a mage?”   
I laughed bitterly. “I’m far more than a mage now. What I am doesn’t matter. What are _you_?” I asked.

“I am.. Well there is no technical term for me. Can you please come sit and talk?” he asked, turning on the light in the room, illuminating a few comfy chairs and a table. I sighed and walked into the room, sitting on the table. He gave me the eyebrow again but said nothing. He sat in one of the chairs. Rubbed a hand over his face. “No one here knows. I mean, they know I’m a healer, since I do use magic and all. But they don’t know more than that. And I can’t tell you everything. Not yet. If ever.”   
I nodded. Similar circumstances.   
“Well I can’t tell you everything either. Let’s just say I’m not technically in hiding, but I’d rather not be found if I can help it. And yes I’m a mage. A fairly powerful one at that. And I meant what I said to your lovely secretary, I can’t sleep well to save my life.”   
“What happened?” he asked. I smirked. No.   
“Let’s just say you don’t want to know. I lost my arm due to magical forces beyond my control. Said forces have left me linked to the Fade. Somehow. And that link brought me here. I felt you from the square.”   
He nodded. “I felt you too. Why did you come?”

“I need to sleep. And stop making it snow around my house. While I do.”  
His eyes widened. “You make it snow.. While you sleep?”

“Ah yes. Apparently. My friend finds it fascinating. I find it more along the lines of ‘drawing unneeded attention’. I need it to stop. Drugs or magic. Or binding or something.” I lowered my head. Took a breath. “Not binding. Seriously. But something. Anything else.”  
He studied me for a minute. “Can I examine you?” he asked. I nodded. “Do we need to go somewhere else?” I asked. He chuckled. “No, here is fine. Can I see your arm?”   
I cringed and nodded. Slid the sleeve off of it, and he peeled the bandage I kept there. I turned away, feeling his arms probing. “What happened?” he asked quietly. I shook my head.   
“Magic was the culprit. That’s all I’m going to say for now. My arm, or lack thereof, isn’t the problem. Sleeping is.” He tsked. Wrapping both hands around what was left of my arm, I felt heat emanating from him. I looked, and they glowed. But.. it felt amazing. The constant ache there diminished quite a bit, and the red angry lines crawling up to my shoulder were less red and no longer angry. I looked at him, pretty sure astonishment was written on my face. He smiled at me. Pulled his hands back and proceeded to do a normal exam, listening to my heart, checking my eyes and so on. When he finished, he slid the sleeve back over my left arm. Helped me off the table.   
“Stay here a moment?” he asked me. I nodded and he left the room. I put a hand on my stomach. This was unexpected. This heat. Unexpected and unwanted, but there nonetheless. I shook my head. No thank you, universe. I was done. People were work. Too much work. Too much to feel and want and need and I was tired of people. I didn’t want messy people feelings. I wanted to go home and hide some more.

He came back into the room with 3 bottles. 2 with pills and one with… something? “So. Try this one first.” He handed me the brown one. “Melatonin. Natural brain chemical, you can take up to 4 and see what works. Should help regulate your brain for sleep.” He handed me the second, a green bottle. “This is an actual sleep aid. Much stronger and you will sleep like the dead.” Then he handed me the third. “This is not medicine. Well not traditionally. It’s a magic dampening tonic. Usually lasts about 8 hours. If you find that the others aren’t cutting it, take a teaspoon of this before you go to bed. Call me if you need anything, day or night.” And he handed me a paper with his cell number. “Or text.”

I nodded. “Can.. I, uh, get a bag.” I blushed. He barked a laugh, and left the room to grab a small bag, depositing the bottles in it. I took my phone out and programmed his number into it. Took a breath. “I’m so sorry,” he started to say. I laughed.   
“Nothing to be sorry for. I still forget it’s gone. You’ve had a few minutes to get used to it, I’ve had months and still fail to turn on lights in rooms and wonder why.”   
He covered his mouth. But the laugh still shone in his eyes. Gorgeous deep eyes. I took a breath and looked away.

“Come back in a week and we can talk more.”   
I nodded. Unsure if I would be back. When I left I thanked his secretary and she gave me a little finger wiggle, a twinkle in her blue eyes. When I got back to the square, Dagna was walking out of a shop with at least 5 huge bags.   
“You will NEVER believe what I found, Inq.. Mery. Never!” she exclaimed. I laughed and we loaded up the SUV to head home. As I pulled out, I saw him standing outside his clinic watching me. I drove off with the cute doctor on my mind.   
That night I took one of the melatonin pills, and sat in bed reading before going to bed. I tried to google the cute doctor, but there was nothing on him. Anywhere. Just as well. I finally drifted off to sleep, my phone in my hand and my brain pleasantly fuzzy.

 

_I found myself walking down the driveway of the manor barefoot, I looked down and saw I was only wearing my little satin nightgown. My hair was loose down my back, and as of this moment, there was no breeze. I found myself following the path from the road down to the beach that was close enough to see from my room in the house. I walked to the edge of the water and took a breath. Then the air changed around me._

_“So, I managed to find you in my sleep,” I said wryly. I didn’t even turn to look, I knew it was him._ _  
_ _“How did you know it was me?” he asked. He stepped to the water’s edge next to me. I looked over. He was wearing pajama pants, and nothing else. I sighed and looked back at the water. “I told you I was powerful.”_   
“Why do you glow?” he asked quietly. I snorted.

_“Probably for a totally different reason than you do,” I said. He took a breath._

_“I have a spirit inside me.” Baldly put. I cocked my head and thought on it. Closed my eyes and “felt”._ _  
_ _“Justice, no. Vengeance?” I asked. He seemed shocked._

_“How.. how did you know?”_

_“I told you I’m powerful. The Fade and I have a.. Unique connection. Unwilling but still there. And I had a close friend who was well versed in the ways of spirits in and out of the Fade. He taught me well.”_ _  
_ _“No one has ever figured it out before I told them. They knew something was different but not what it was. You are.. Fascinating.”_ _  
_ _I sighed._ _  
_ _“I don’t want to be fascinating. I don’t want to ‘people’. I’m immensely tired of people. Don’t be fascinated,” I pleaded._   
“A little late for that. Because here we are, neither dressed fully, on the beach in the Fade. Who drew who here?”

 _“I don’t know. I can never tell anymore.”_ _  
_ _He rubbed a hand over his face. “Do you want me to go?” he asked. I just shook my head._ _  
_ _“I’m sorry for my manners. It’s been a really horrible couple of years. And before that wasn’t a picnic. I’m just.. Rude apparently.” I turned and looked at him. He was looking down at the water. He scratched his stomach. I had to force myself to look away. Heat curled about in my stomach and irritated me._ _  
_ _“You aren’t rude. Well, mostly. I’ll leave you be.” He turned to go but before I could think about it, I reached out and grabbed his arm._   
“Please.. Stay?”

_He looked at my hand and just nodded. I sat down in the sand, and he followed suit._

_“Arlie came by the clinic after you left, earlier. Tried grilling me about you. I didn’t tell her anything. But she did tell me your name. Elyse?”_

_I sighed. “My middle name. But good enough for the moment. I’m sorry I forgot to tell you earlier. You were a bit of a shock.”_ _  
_ _“Oh, I get it. Just wait til I’m angry, then it’s real.. Shocking,” he mumbled. I laughed._

_“Is that how they put it?” I teased. He smiled balefully._

_“Something like that. So you’re from Ostwick?” he asked._ _  
_ _“Arlie is the town gossip isn’t she?” I asked. He laughed._   
“She is, indeed. Though she genuinely seemed to like you. So you have that going for you.”

 _I snorted. “Yes, I’m from Ostwick. Was born there, and was also in the Tower there. Before.”_ _  
_ _He nodded. “I was there for a time, but ultimately decided here was the place to be. Looks like I wasn’t the only one.”_

_I shook my head. Then I fell silent._

_“You’ll tell me, you know,” he said quietly. And he was right. But not yet._ _  
_ _“Let me be Elyse a little longer,” I said. He nodded._

_I got up. He watched me. I looked down, “I will talk to you later,” I said with a smirk before walking away._

 

And I woke up in my bed. Miraculously, I felt almost rested. I looked around my room and found no snow. Or rain. Anything out of place. I took a breath and laid back down. Checked my phone, though I had no idea why. And before I could think about it, I texted the good doctor.   
**Me** **: Thank you for not pressing.**

I laid the phone down and curled back up, debating going back to sleep. My phone chirped.  
**Handsome Doctor Man** **: Are you feeling better this morning?**

I snorted.   
**Me** **: Well it’s not snowing in my room, so there’s that.**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: I would call that a win. Good morning, btw.**

**Me** **: Good morning. Didn’t mean to wake you.**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: You didn’t. No worries. Have plans today?**

**Me** **: Whhhyy?**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: I feel like going to the beach. Come with?**

I sighed. But.. people.   
**Me** **: Can I wear clothes?**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: I dropped my phone on my face. Thanks for that. Up to you, I won’t protest either way.**

I laughed.

**Me** **: What time?**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: Noon. Meet me where we met last night. I’ll bring food. Now go eat breakfast. You need food.** **  
** **Me** **: Is that the doctor speaking?**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: No. It’s the man who noticed you looked too thin.**

**Me** **: Fine. I’ll go eat. See you at noon.**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: I look forward to it.**

I laid back down and stared at the ceiling. I didn’t want this. But I did. Ah, what the hell. I got up and grabbed a robe, noting the sand on the floor near the bed. I shivered. Fade dreams were getting a little too real. I went downstairs and found Dagna in the kitchen, talking on the phone. I snuck a cup of coffee and left her to it. I went out and sat on the back patio, staring down at the ocean.   
Here, here I felt home. Which was funny. Because I had never imagined anything new after Skyhold. Skyhold had been my home. As much mine as it could be. But this? This silly manor house on the hill above the frothy blue sea? Felt more home than the Circle or my parents house ever had. I had a feeling that this place was going to be far more surprising than I had originally thought. Dagna eventually joined me and I told her what had happened.   
“Are you going to go?” she asked me. I nodded.   
“I shouldn’t. I don’t want to. But part of me really wants to. And I feel like I can trust him. Something pulls at me, Dagna. I don’t know what. But I need to see this through.”   
“Well I have no room to argue with you. You saved us all a time or three, so you do what you have to do. I’m going to go start working on the prosthetic. Be safe. Call me if you need me,” she said before getting off and disappearing into the basement of the house. I went inside and after changing into a pair of yoga pants and a sports bra, I settled into the floor of my bedroom to do my relaxation exercises.

I spent an hour. The longest most grueling distracting hour, trying to relax. But my stomach wasn't agreeing with me. I had had to change everything in my life to accommodate my new limitations. And now a new change. But I didn't know if I was going to keep going with this new change.

But.

I wanted to.

I gave up, disgusted at my complete lack of control. I went to the closet to find something suitable for a beach lunch with a man who spoke to the very core of me. I picked out a strapless sundress, a pretty white and green flowered thing, fairly long. I went and asked Dagna to help me braid my hair. She squealed when she saw me.

“You look like a girl! A real girl!” I stared at her.

“Inquisitor! I mean, Meryna. Ah, this is crap. You’re the Inquisitor. Who cares if you gave up the position. It's who you are!”

I rolled my eyes. “It's who I was. Not any more. The Inquisition is gone. Never coming back. I'd rather be called the Herald and even that was a farce. I was a giant farce! Can you braid my hair? That's all I interrupted you for!”

She glared at me. “You matter. What you did matters. Don't undersell yourself. And of course I'll braid your hair. I love your hair.”

And we were all better. She blathered on about how her research was going. Explaining the process of how she was going to manage to make a working arm. A magic, enchanted working arm. I let her talk. And she did this elaborate braid, anchoring it to the bottom of the back of my head.

“You deserve some peace. At least for a while. While we figure things out. I'll let you know if we hear from anyone. Until then, just be you. Not the Inquisitor, not the Herald. Not a former apostate mage. Just, well just you.” She looked at me.

“You've done remarkable things. Sometimes you can walk away for a while. It's ok.” I shook my head.

“It doesn't feel ok. We know all of these world changing things, and I'm hiding. At the beach. And there's a man I'm lusting after. Who I’ve seen in person once. And the world doesn't know. Or understand. And I feel like a monumental liar.”

“You aren't a liar. You're a person who has had extraordinary things happen to her again and again. Take the time. I'm going back to work. Sera will be here tonight so I may not be making dinner.” She had the audacity to blush at that. I knew what they would be up to. I wished her well and to have fun. I went back to my room and donned my sandals and some jewelery. Grabbed a sweater and with a last look around, I left the room. I made my way out of the manor, and down the path to the beach. When I finally got to the part we had stood at last night, I found him already there, blanket spread on the sand and an actual basked sitting there.   
He scrambled to his feet. Looked genuinely happy to see me. Maybe this wasn’t a mistake after all.   
“You came!” he said, surprise coloring his voice. I smiled. “Seemed the thing to do, since you invited me so nicely. After all, you saw me in my dreams. This had to be better.”

“Touche’. Would you like to walk or eat first? Or we could talk. Or.. I have no idea what I’m doing. I haven’t done anything like this in.. well so long I don’t remember.”

I laughed. “Let’s sit and talk and see what happens. I’m in no hurry. My roommate’s girlfriend is coming home tonight. And I’m on my own I guess. Which is an odd feeling.”  
“Ah. I’ve been alone for the most part for the last several years as well. It’s a long story. And one that is likely not going to end well.” He held out a hand and I slipped my right into it, and he helped me to sit on the blanket. I smoothed my dress around my legs and sighed. I had a gut feeling I needed to tell him. Everything.

“Can I tell you a story?” I asked him, surprising myself.   
“Of course,” he answered, sitting next to me, staring out at the sea.   
“So. I come from a wealthy family in Ostwick. When I was 12, my powers manifested, and like normal, I was sent to live with the Circle. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t as bad as some we had heard about. Well it wasn’t until Kirkwall. Even then, we were ok for a little bit. The Templars were more focused on their immediate problems. Until one got it in his head we were all going to turn on them. Which was ridiculous. Our tower was fairly benign.” I took a breath.   
“They called for the Right of Annulment, and our First Enchanter fought back. We ran. We had no real choice. I was only 18. Barely an adult, and only just passing my harrowing a few months prior.”   
“Are you sure..?” he asked, but I nodded.   
“I’m sure. I was with a group of mages in the Free Marches who made our way southwest to the Conclave. I.. I was the sole survivor of the explosion that killed Divine Justinia.”   
He stopped moving. Stopped breathing.

“I fell into the Fade with her. And she gave up her life to save me. When I escaped I fell unconscious outside the main breach. And when I awoke I had a magical mark, an anchor of sorts, embedded in my hand.” I held out my left arm.

“Inquisitor.”  
I nodded, brushing a stray strand of hair from my face. “I have almost died countless times. I was sent forward in time, walked in the Fade twice, met ancient elves who protected an ancient well of water, that I drank like a fool, I killed an ancient Magister turned Darkspawn. I closed countless rifts, lost friends and good people, and when I was called to the Exalted council 5 months ago, I got to save the fucking world again. This time from an overzealous Qunari woman who wanted to destroy Thedas and more. And I learned one of my best friends is an ancient elven god? Ancient elven mage? I don’t even know any more. But now he has dire plans for the world. And he took my arm to save my life, because that blasted mark was killing me. I almost died then too. If he hadn’t sent me back through the mirror to Hilamshiral, I would have died.”

I took another breath.

“Say something,” I whispered, looking down at my hand.

“Why are you here?” he asked, still not looking at me.

“Because I can’t breathe. I can’t sleep. I can’t be me. I’ve been a mage, an apostate, the murderer of Divine Justinia, the Herald of Andraste, the Inquisitor, the Traitor. I’ve never been able to be.. Just me. Dagna is my .. lets call her my magical advisor, enchanter extraordinaire. She is the only one of two, of my former companions who know’s where I am.”  
“Why hide?”   
“Because I have to. I’m a bit broken at the moment. I have nightmares when I can manage to sleep, my powers are entirely unstable at the moment. I can’t be the savior right now. And if I am to stop my friend, I need to heal. And I need to control myself. And the voices from that stupid magic well sent me here. I think to find you.”   
“Why me? I’m nobody.”   
I laughed. It was a dark bit of laughter, not a light happy laugh. “You are not a nobody. You have something inside you that is nearly inexplicable. And you feel.. You feel like home. Which is stupid, since I’ve seen you in person once before now. And I can’t explain any of this. I sound like an idiot, I’m sorry.” I covered my face with my only hand, mocking myself mentally for the irony.

“How can these ancient voices know anything about me?” he asked.

“Not you specifically, but they could feel your power. I have had them inside me for almost 3 years, and I still don’t completely understand them.”  
“What do you want from me?”   
I thought about it. Shrugged. “Nothing. I.. I should go.” I tried to stand up and my dress caught my foot, causing me to stumble. I fell to my knees and I, well I wanted to laugh but truly I just cried. I knelt there, in front of a man I hadn’t even known 24 hours and cried.   
“Well, shit,” was all he said before pulling me into his arms. I pressed my face to his chest and let go. For the first time in months. He held me, his hand rubbing my back.   
“I don’t know what to do,” he whispered. I shook my head and tried to calm myself. This was ridiculous. I had killed DRAGONS and I was crying because I tripped myself.   
“You don’t have to do anything,” I said, taking a breath and trying to dry my face. He chuckled.   
“Oh, yes I do. I don’t think you really understand the gravity of you finding me of all people. In the world, me.” His voice was low, and his hand stayed on my back.   
“I should move,” I said, trying to contain my now flustered heart.   
“No, you shouldn’t. You should be right there when I tell you who I am.”

“That bad?”

“Yes. That bad.”

I sighed. “Anders. I know who you are.”

He jumped, his hands gripping my shoulders. “How!?”  
I coughed. “Varric is a very good story teller. As are Hawke and Fenris. And as soon as you confirmed Vengeance, I knew.”   
“Well. Shit.”   
I laughed, “Doctor Anderson? Really?”

He had the grace to blush. “Well, it worked. No one here knows who I am.”  
“That won’t change. I have no intention of telling anyone who you are. I believe you did the right thing, by the way.”   
“You are one of a very small number.”   
I shook my head. “You were a much needed catalyst. Maybe you went about it wrong, murder is never a real answer to anything. But, honestly? It was going to happen. I found out that three of the Templars in my circle were already pressing for changes, bad changes. Meredith had been talking to the Knight-Commander there. Emails and letters back and forth. Things were not looking good. Point is, you were right.”

He looked down at me, an odd expression on his face.

“Thank you, I guess?” he said. I sighed. “Can I move now?” I asked. He looked surprised.

“Not yet. I find I like you here.”

I looked up at him. “You feel it too?” I asked quietly.

“Yes. I'm fairly sure I do. It’s odd, is it not?”

I nodded. “It is odd. But not entirely unpleasant. Not after the last few years.”

And there we sat, on a blanket in the sunshine, on a beach in Rivain. Oddest circumstance I could have never predicted. After a bit, I sat back on the blanket and we fished into the basket for lunch. We ate, made small talk. I told him what everyone in Kirkwall had been up to, via stories from Varric of course. I told him what had truly transpired within the elven crossroads while hunting the Vidassala and Solas.

He told me what he had been up to since he fled Kirkwall on Kess’s orders. He seemed sad. I asked why.

“I miss them. I know that I endangered them all. But Kess gave me the chance to help with the mess I started but when things got dicey after Meredith died, I left. And since then it's been fairly lonely. Until I got here, but even so I still keep to myself mostly.”

I nodded. “I was surrounded by hundreds of people daily and I’d never felt more lonely. I get it.”

“Didn't you have friends? A lover? Someone close to you?” he asked, genuinely surprised. I laughed.

“Yes and no. I had them, but I was always.. Just a step above them. Not by my doing, but there it was. I was involved with Blackwall, who was then Rainier. And then he left, to join the Wardens. And I was done with people lying to me. Blackwall lied. Solas lied. Well omitted. Dorian had to leave, Bull went with him and everyone kinda just.. Went their own ways. A few of them are still around, but after I disbanded the Inquisition, most of them went on their way. And I was stuck in my castle without a staff and I was angry and in pain and I left. I have people working on things. And they can contact me, but I've got a special untraceable cell, so even they can't find me.” I took a breath. “I needed to be me for awhile. Not the Inquisitor. Or the Herald. Or whatever else I’ve managed to become. I need to relearn how to ‘mage’ and cast and not endanger those around me. And here, no one knows me by sight. Thank the Maker. Or whoever.” I looked out at the water and admonished myself. I had no business dumping my issues on a man who already had a lot of his own.

Then the pain began. Running down what was left of my arm, it felt like fire snaking through my veins, little bursts of of heat that reminded me once again, I was very much alive and damn did that hurt. I couldn’t stop the sharp breath I took, or the hand moving to clutch my shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, real concern clouding his face. I just shook my head and got up to pace, facing away from him. Tears snaked down my face as the burn got worse. Today was going to be one of those days. Where my arm reminded me it was gone through the most brutal means possible. I didn’t even hear him follow me, until I bumped into him. He steadied me on the sand and wrapped his hands around my arm, the cooling from his hands beyond soothing. I gripped his hand, and closed my eyes.   
“This is ridiculous. Months later and I’m still a mess.” The words sounded strangled. He made a “pssh” sound. “This is a traumatic injury, removed by magic or not. And you said it was already affected by the Mark or whatever it was. Your body has had a lot of massive changes in a few short years. Magic isn’t always comfortable or predictable.”   
His hands were doing something more now and I seriously could have kissed him. The burn was gone and the ache was down to a dull roar.

“How did you do that?” I asked, looking up at him.   
“Very carefully,” he said with a grin.

“I’m going to hug you,” I warned him, before wrapping my arm around him and pressing my face against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and just held me.   
“Let’s get you home,” he said. I shook my head.   
“Can’t go home yet. If I do all I get to listen to for hours is Dagna and Sera going at it. Which is all well and good if it hadn’t been years, oh Maker I’m shutting up,” I mumbled and turned away to hide the blush stealing up my face.   
Where is my filter!? It’s like everything that happened in Hilamshiral just.. Erased it.

He just laughed and let me go. I stood there completely flustered with myself. I brushed the loose curl out of my face again, and when I looked back at him, he was just watching me with this amused expression on his face. I rolled my eyes and waved him off. He laughed and went back to the blanket. Sat down and held up a hand to help me. I took it and he helped me down.   
“You know, the way Varric describes you is all tortured and angsty.” I said it without thinking. Damn filter.

“Ah. Well. I was fairly tortured and angsty, I guess. While I was in Kirkwall, I lost someone very close to me. And at one point I fancied myself more than in love with Kess. I’ve had a lot of time to.. Change our perspective. So, here I am, a doctor in a little Rivaini city that allows me peace and relative comfort and the ability to still help people in the best way I know how.”  
“They miss you too. Not the part about the end of things, but the day to day. Even Fenris begrudgingly admits it.”   
“Ah, I doubt that. Fenris hated me.”   
“Fenris hated anything magic. He even hated me for a while. But apparently I grow on people. And him following Kess to Skyhold and being surrounded by a ton of mages cooled his issues a bit. He was one of the only ones that didn’t stick me on a pedestal. We had some interesting debates. He said I sounded like you sometimes. Which he made sound like an insult, but I took it otherwise. Let’s just say I hero-worshipped you for a short while. Mostly Varric’s fault. But I’m over it now.”   
“Well that’s a shame. A little hero worship never hurts one’s ego.”   
I laughed. “I used to do a lot of things I don’t anymore. I feel old, almost worn out. And I’ve only really just begun living.”   
“What are you, maybe 27?” he asked, surprised. I laughed again.   
“Do I look 27? Maker’s breath. I’m barely 24. Well, I will be soon enough.”

“No way. You cannot be that young.”   
“What? Are you 40 or something? You can’t be that much older than me.”   
“I was learning to drive a car when you were entering school. How is that for perspective?”   
I thought on it. “So you have more experience. Or something. Really, does it matter?”

He shook his head. “Experience with what?”  
“Anything? Magic? Life? Sex? Cooking? I am really terrible at cooking. They never let me near the kitchens in Skyhold, and the one time I tried to cook something in Haven I almost caught the tavern on fire. I was banished.”   
“You’re very odd, you know that right?”

I nodded.   
“But I saved the world. That has to account for something right?” I made myself sound dopey and hopeful. Because he wasn’t wrong. I was odd. And awkward. And clumsy. And unable to do half the things I was able to do flawlessly before. He chuckled. I sighed.

“It's going to be a long day. You can go if you wish to. We had our lunch, and talked about life altering events. You got to watch me cry like a baby more than once. And you saved me hours of pain, when all I really gave you was a chuckle here or there. I’ll wait here awhile and sneak back in when they're ‘occupied'.”

He looked at me. “Not happening. I'll wait with you. Or go back with you and we could interrupt them rudely just for laughs.” He gave me this over exaggerated sneer. I laughed.

“Really, I don't want to take your whole day..”

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked. I shook my head.

“Surprisingly, no. You.. Are far easier to talk to than I anticipated. I find I like you.”

“Well that's a relief. I like you too. Even if you are a suspicious little thing.”

It was my turn to chuckle. He was funny, this one. Not at all angry and mean. Vindictive.

“Do you mind if I ask you something?” I asked.

“Depends on the question.”

I laid back on the blanket and summoned a cloud of sorts above us to block the sun. I closed my eyes and thought about how to word it.

“Varric, he told me how he embellished the book somewhat, on how he portrayed everyone. Fenris wasn’t nearly as stand-off-ish when I met him, me being a mage and all. What about you? Can you explain the difference between how he portrayed you, how you actually were and how you are now? I ask.. Because.. You have the feel of newly mended broken. As opposed to someone who is fighting the inner-spirit so to speak.”  
“You are a bit more shrewd than I gave you credit for,” he said with a wry tone. I said nothing. We sat in silence for a few, me figuring he was putting his answer together. It was a complicated thing, explaining the intricacies of oneself.   
“When I first got to Kirkwall, Justice and I were still getting used to each other. Neither of us realized how angry I truly was at the Templars and the Chantry for their treatment of mages that were supposed to in their care, not in cells. Little by little, Justice changed, became Vengeance. And when things would happen that would push my mental boundaries too far, Vengeance would take control. I almost killed an apprentice with the circle. We were trying to save said apprentice. And, I hated what I had become. But we were stuck, Vengeance and I. I tried to make the best of it but as things progressively got worse in Kirkwall, so did my anger. Kess and the others helped somewhat, but I admit I was a huge ass. I pushed, they pushed back. I made irreversible choices. And honestly, even after all this time, I still could not tell you if it was me, or Vengeance.” He took a breath.   
“Most of how Varric portrayed me in his ridiculous book was true, except the theatrics of it all. I wasn’t nearly that flamboyant with my hate. But I did hate. And it did eat me alive. I’ve had a lot of time to contemplate what I did. Vengeance is less Vengeance now. And I know I full well do not deserve any sort of forgiveness. Nor do I expect it. I… try to make up for it by helping people now, however I can. All people, not just mages. Or wayward Inquisitors.”   
I smiled, keeping my eyes closed.

“I’ve probably read the books at least 10 times.” I hadn’t really meant to admit that, but since I had come this far, “I read it because of you. The smut was terrible, but I could really understand you. And the choices you made. Kess got tired of my questions and yelled at me. I was a pest. Looking back at it, I was probably reminding her of the worst time in her life. Which, I can now say I regret. Hindsight and all that. Would you change what you did?” I asked him quietly.

“No. Maybe how I did it, call in a bomb threat or something to clear the building. But the point needed to be made, I’m just sad it cost far more lives than it should have.” There he was sounding sad again. It hurt me. I could feel it, stealing behind all those little barriers I was so adept at keeping up daily. Little tendrils of pain, mournful and bittersweet. I sighed.   
“Anders. I’ve killed hundreds. By my own hand. Mages, Templars, stupid people who made really stupid choices. I killed hundreds of Qunari. Ancient Dwarves, Darkspawn, an ancient Avaar God spirit possessing the body of a dragon. I met the first Inquisitor, Ameridan. I’ve traveled through time. I’ve been inside the Fade bodily. By comparison, my crimes make yours seem like a walk in the park. I have bathed in blood for years, and I hate my every waking breath. But everything I did.. Was to save a world that is hell bent on destroying itself. You were trying to save the Mages. Good reasons, bad choices. For us both it seems.” I felt a tear fall from my eye and slid down into my hair. “Nothing will bring back the people who perished in the chaos. Your chaos or mine. All I can hope for now, is to recover enough of myself to stop Solas and save a world that has no idea what is in store for it. Your part in the story, at least that is done.”   
“Is it? Now that you’re here, is it really done?”   
I shrugged. “If that’s how you want it to be, that’s how it will be. But let me ask you this. Do you want it to be? Do you want to walk away from whatever this is, wash your hands of it, and be done? I would not blame you if you did.”

Silence greeted me. And I waited, eyes closed, under a magic cloud shading me from the harsh rays of the tropical sun.

“I’m in.”  
I jumped when he spoke. Just enough of a body twitch to let him know he had surprised me. He chuckled.   
“You’re what?” I asked.

“In. Maybe I can help fix what I started.”  
“Oh. Maybe I wasn’t clear. This is no longer your mess to fix. I already fixed that one, which I’ve been told I did rather well, thank you. Mages are free, the Templars are actual protectors, and the Grey Wardens are safe. But…  My friend has a plan. To.. tear down the veil. Which he created in the first place.”   
“No way! The Maker created..” I interrupted him. “No. The Maker did not. Solas did, eons ago. To stop the ancient elves from destroying the world. Bad choices for a good reason, no?” My voice was surprisingly bitter.   
“He befriended me, taught me. Then he left without a trace, and showed up in the Crossroads fighting the Qunari. Only he didn’t actually fight. He just.. Turned them to stone with a mere thought. Then he went on this mournful diatribe about how the ancient Elven gods, the Evanuris, were nothing more than extremely powerful mages that fancied themselves as gods. How they warred amongst themselves, and when they killed Mythal, the best of them, Solas went mad. He tricked them, created the veil and trapped them all in the Fade. Then he slept, for thousands of years, and when he awoke, he led Corypheus to the Orb. The very orb that created the Breach, gave me my mark. He pretended ignorance. Helped me fight, and learn, and I trusted him implicitly. He cried when he took my arm. And I promised to show him a world worth saving. I almost died, I ran instead of staying. Because I can’t wrap my mind around it all anymore.” I could hear him pacing, the rhythm of his feet oddly in sync with the slow slam of my heart in my chest.   
“I think I’ve said enough for one day. I’m going to go home. I’m also fairly certain I’ve given you enough to dwell on for a while.” I made the cloud vanish, and sat up, looking up at him. I stood up, awkwardly. Then, after brushing my dress back into place, I grabbed for my sweater and turned to leave.   
“That’s it?” his voice stopped me. I stopped walking but didn’t turn. I looked down and sighed.   
“I don’t know what’s going to happen. What I am doing. This is your chance to run away if you feel you have a need to. And I wouldn’t blame you.”   
“You can’t just.. Lay all of that bare and expect me to leave it.” His voice sounded strained. I felt horrible, that I had done that to him.

“I can’t just leave it either. Eventually I have to go back. You needed to know that. And why. Because whatever this pull is, I am not the only one feeling it. And I can’t go into anything without everything on the table. I’ve that little bit of sense left. You deserve to know, that your part in things is done. And no one would think badly of you for not wanting to step back into the middle of my mess. You don’t have to decide now. Or anytime soon, really. Just think on it all. You can text me if you have questions.”   
And with that, I ran back up the path to my house. I could feel him standing there watching me until I was out of sight. And over the course of the rest of the day, I could see him down there from the window in the attic tower of the house. I paced, tried to read, watch TV. I even tried to help Dagna, who kicked me out because my magic was interfering with her instruments. So I was in the attic, watching him sit on the beach as he either contemplated what I had said, or sat in shock. I sat on the window seat, my knees against my chest. My head against the glass.

I wish I had known. Known how I would feel when I found him. Granted, I hadn’t even really known what or who I was looking for. Running on intuition as it were. But, I don’t know if my heart could take any more turmoil. And he was chock full of it. I could feel all of that churning about in him. Self-loathing, self-doubt, a need for more. The draw of the power I had. The very mutual attraction. The fear. But, deepest inside him, the need for change.

I sat there until the sun dropped behind the ocean, and he finally left. I made my way back to my room and after stripping, taking the melatonin pills, I crawled into bed naked, falling asleep almost instantly.

 

  
_I sat on the beach. Very near the same spot that we had spent so many hours at earlier. At least I had the luxury of sitting here in the dark, the water ominous and frothy. That unending pull trying to take me to him. I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to imagine what he was doing. Sleeping, I should hope. Dreaming of a better world? Remembering the old days with his friends before the world turned inside out?_

 _I looked down, I was wearing the same nightgown as the night before. It barely covered me. But it worked for just sitting on an incorporeal beach inside my head. I wondered if after today, things would ever be the same. I knew what I was asking. Impossible things. And I’m sure that none of my companions would be thrilled with my decision. Especially Cassandra and Cullen. Maybe even Varric. The crux though, was that I just didn’t care any more. I couldn’t. Bigger things were at stake than feelings and grudges. The world. Millions of lives. Tiny blinking souls in the grand scheme of things. Parents, children, brothers and sisters. Lovers and soldiers, criminals and law makers. Every soul one worth saving._ _  
_ _I took a breath. I could feel the air around me changing._ _  
_ _“I thought I would find you here,” I heard Anders say from behind me. I gave a mocking smile, glad he couldn’t see._   
“How so?”

 _“You seem a creature of habit.”_ _  
_ _I laughed softly._   
“Not so much, no. I just have no idea how many mages reside in the town so I keep my wandering confined to the beach. Why are you here?”

_“I felt you out here. And then I was here.” He sat down on my right side. I still hadn’t looked at him. My self control was already worn thin, seeing him half dressed again was bound to tip the scales a little farther than I could manage to right at this point._

_“Are you alright?” I asked quietly._ _  
_ _“Amazingly enough, I am. Why?”_ _  
_ _“I watched you today. Out here sitting for hours.”_ _  
_ _“Ah, well I had much to think on. Life changing events and all that. Do you realize, I’ve had longer conversations with you than I have with anyone else in years?” shock coated his voice._ _  
_ _“Well, as I like hearing you talk, I can’t really complain, now can I?” I teased. He just sighed at me._   
“What are we doing?”

 _“I have no idea. I’m literally winging it here. I had zero game plan when I came here. Other than to hide and heal. The hiding is working well, I think. The healing is still a toss up. Finding you was a bonus. What does it mean? No clue.”_ _  
_ _“So.. not helpful.”_   
I laughed. Couldn’t stop it.

_“Anders?” I asked before I could think twice._

_“Yes?”_ _  
_ _I looked at him then. His hair was loose about his face, to his shoulders. Same pajama pants as before, and again no shirt. “What do you want?”_

 _“What do you mean?”_ _  
_ _“Right now, what do you want?”_

_“You.” And there it was. That punch of heat in my belly. I took a breath, held out my hand. No hesitation, his hand grasped mine. My skin tingled where his touched it. Then his right hand was reaching, wrapping around my neck and pulling me forward._

_And I swear, it felt like time slowed. That moment before, that second when his mouth is a breath from mine and anticipation makes all your nerve endings howl in frustration. Hearts slow, and muscles tensing._ _  
_ _Then his lips were on mine, soft and hot, and the heat spread from my belly throughout my body._

_This._

_This was what I had been waiting for. The kiss started simple, a melding of lips, once.. Twice. He pulled back, looked at me. “Are you sure? You deserve so much more, better even.”_

_I shifted on the sand, facing him. I brushed the hair from his face, “So do you.” And I kissed him. A soft touch of our lips, a breath then it changed, his thumb opening my mouth, and his tongue stealing inside. I sighed, just letting myself feel. It had been so long. His fingers threaded into my hair, holding my head close, his mouth slowly but surely ravaging mine. He pulled me into his arms, against his chest, hearts hammering away. And we stayed there, mouths locked together, tongues dancing, bodies pressed close, for what felt like forever. My entire body thrummed with need, and I desperately wished I had him on my bed right then._ _  
_ _I pulled away, pressing my forehead to his. Took a breath. “I don’t want our first time to be in the Fade. I want you, on top of me, in a bed, skin to skin.” I whispered the words, feeling like I was killing myself._   
He kissed my forehead. “As you wish. When you are ready, let me know. I.. need to go now. Because if I don’t go now I have no idea how this would end.” His voice was as rough as my heart felt. He stood up and helped me to my feet. He pulled me close again, just holding me against his chest. “This is all very odd,” he said. I gave a low laugh.

_“It really is, but can you complain?”_

_“Not a bit. Surprising, yes. Unwanted? Not so much.” I pulled back and brushed his hair from his face again. I pulled his face down and kissed him softly again, feeling an answering need deep down. Then I pushed away and left him standing there under a dream moon on my beach._   
  
I sat up in my bed, my heart racing and my skin covered in goosebumps. I pulled the sheet against my bare chest and took a shaky breath. I laid down and stared at the ceiling. My stomach still ached with need, and it was all I could do to not grab my phone and beg him to come over. Then my phone whistled. I jumped, then reached to grab it. Felt a blush steal up my body.   
**Handsome Doctor Man** **: That was real wasn’t it?**

I took a breath.

**Me** **: Yes…**

I laid back down again, laid my phone on my stomach and tried to breathe. Progressing a little faster than I had ever thought possible. But damn, if I didn’t want this more than anything in the world right now.

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: Are you alright?** **  
** I laughed. Literally.

**Me** **: Technically? Yes. Why?**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: Your house is glowing.**

Ah, shit. I got up and ran to the window and sure enough, the house was glowing.

**Me** **: Well. This is fun. I’m going to go hide in a hole now.**

I grabbed the sheet off the bed, wrapped up in it and silently climbed the attic stairs. I opened the big window and climbed out onto the roof. I made my way up to the center of the roof and sat. I closed my eyes and concentrated. Tried to reign it back in. I could feel the gathering of the power, like a coil. The light began to fade, and then it was dark again, with the exception of the lightening of the horizon.

My phone whistled again, making me jump.

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: I have a bunch of appointments this morning, are you free later?**

**Me** **: Technically we all are? I mean..**

**Me** **: I am totally not talking anymore. Ignore me please?**

I covered my face, even though he couldn't even see me.

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: You're blushing aren't you?**

**Me** **: No. Maybe. Yes. Shh. Yes I'm free later. As are you apparently. Whyfor?**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: Because I want to see you. Is that so bad?**

**Me** **: I don’t think that’s bad, as the feeling is mutual. Want to come here? I can show you my attic XD**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: Is that a new kind of euphemism for something I am unaware of?**

**Me** **: Nope. My attic is an actual place that is special. Please?**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: Alright. I’ll be there a little after 2, does that work for you?**

**Me** **: Yes :) I shall try to contain my excitement. Seriously.. No more day time snow in the tropics for me. :D**

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: Well, at least it won’t be boring ;)**

I set my phone next to me on the roof and watched the sun come up. I felt.. New, almost. Hopeful. Less like the weight of the world was going to crush me. And I liked it. For the first time in months, I liked something. Dagna was going to have a heart attack. Sera too, if she was still here.


	2. When Trouble Comes Knocking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders and Meryna enjoy some time alone before an old friend comes calling, changing the name of the game.

**A Little After 1 The Next Afternoon** **-**

 

I sat on the porch, watching Sera and Dagna drive away. They were going to stay at the bed and breakfast to give me time to either.. I don't know. Seduce a man? Get seduced? Enjoy myself, Maker forbid…?

I was drinking some sweet tea and enjoying the sun. I was wearing a floor length gray skirt, a white cotton off the shoulder shirt. Some silver sandals and Dagna had graced me with another hair braid before she left. Then she kissed my forehead and told me to let go.    
Let go of what? Hadn’t I already done that? I disbanded the Inquisition. I walked away from Skyhold and my friends. I left it all. The world could fall apart and I was hiding at the beach. Worrying about a man. Worrying about how I looked. And what my breath might taste like. If he would even really want me once he actually got me naked. My body isn’t as pretty as it was 5 years ago. I had gone through so much and it showed. Like a map of my adventures. The scar on my chin from falling out of the Fade the first time. The one on my hip from the second time in the Fade. How about the one on my thigh from one of those frigging elves in the Arbor Wilds? On bad days, the healed skin on my left arm had faint green glowing lines, that looked like little vines snaking up and around my arm. I was having a good day, thankfully. Despite the early start. I wished I knew what to do.    
But to be really honest. I just wanted to let whatever was going to happen, happen. Whether it was mind blowing sex on my front porch, or a lazy afternoon getting to know him. My body preferred the first option, but my mind didn’t really care. I didn’t have much left to lose, so losing my heart didn’t seem much a worry.

I grabbed my glass, swirled the ice around. Maybe I should message him and cancel. Stop any hurt from happening before it could happen. 

**_BBBzzzzzzzzz_**   
I jumped. My phone. I laughed. 

**Handsome Doctor Man** **: I’m on my way. Got done a little early. Is that alright?**

It was uncanny. 

**Me** **: Of course. Dagna and Sera abandoned me. So whenever you want is good :)**

I set the phone down. Took a breath. Too late now. Butterflies took flight in my stomach and my hand grew clammy. I felt like a 13 year old with her first crush. Except I was a grown woman who had lived enough for 10 people in a few years.   
**Handsome Doctor Man** **:** **I’ll be there soon…**

I sighed and set my phone down. Definitely too late now. I sat and waited, trying not to worry myself over nothing. I looked down and saw the glass was glowing slightly. Then I turned and looked at my reflection on the window. I was glowing. For crying out loud. I closed my eyes and tried to pull the magic back in. Slowed my breathing, dampening the edge of whatever it was (usually a big emotion) causing it.    
I could feel it tighten again. The way the magic spiraled inside me. Neat and precise again. Then I heard it. A car. When I looked towards the long driveway, a black Jeep was driving up. I watched him park and climb out. He was wearing a loose white shirt and khaki pants, dark brown sandals and much to my surprise, was carrying a bouquet of flowers. I stood up when he walked to the porch, a sheepish smile on his face.    
“They’ll be talking for months in town about this,” he said, holding them out to me. I just stared at them. I hadn’t gotten flowers… since I was a kid. Before the tower. “I don’t know what to say,” I whispered, suddenly unsure of everything. He stepped onto the porch and brushed the hair from my cheek.    
“First you say thank you. Then we go find something to put them in. They’re not the end of the world,” he teased. I nodded, reaching out for them. They were gorgeous. Lillies, Andraste’s Grace, little red ones that looked like feathers. I pressed my face to one of the Andraste’s Grace blooms and was pleasantly surprised at how amazing it smelled. I grinned at him.    
“Thank you,” I said. He grinned. “That’s better. Let’s go see if the house came with a vase. Do you have any scissors?” he asked as he held the door open for me. I led the way through the house to the kitchen. It was big and roomy and always smelled mildly exotic. Something to do with all the green things by the window Dagna had planted when we moved in. 

“Do you mind if I look for a vase?” he asked. I shook my head, and climbed onto the island countertop to sit. He perused cabinet after cabinet before finding a few pretty ones in the cabinet above the refrigerator. He then went about opening the plastic and after I pointed to a drawer where the scissors were, he cut the stems and arranged the flowers in fresh water. Then he stuck his finger into the water and a little flash of white from his finger. “They should last for awhile,” he said with a wink. I smiled back.    
“Thank you. I don’t think anyone’s gotten me flowers before. It’s very sweet.” I was blushing again. What on earth was wrong with me. He walked over to me and with a gentle nudge to my knees, he stepped between my legs and leaned against the counter with his hips. He planted a hand on either side of my butt. Looked me in the eye.    
“So. About this attic?” he said, and I burst out laughing. Talk about taking the moment a little too seriously. He held out a hand then, and I took it. He helped me off the counter and I led him through the house, upstairs, past my bedroom and up the small flight of stairs into the attic. While the attic itself wasn’t anything spectacular, I had added pillows and blankets and made it into a nap room of sorts. I pulled him further, out the tall window and up onto the roof. When he stood there, under the huge tree that towered over my house, he whistled.    
“You’re right. This is a spectacular attic.” I went over and sat at the edge overlooking the beach. I could see into the town from here, barely. And all the way down to the bend on the beach about a mile and a half from where him and I had lunched.    
“Has it really only been a few days?” I asked, shocking myself. He sat on my right side and took my hand.    
“Yes. Yes it has. Weirdest two days of my entire life. But. I can’t complain. I got to meet you,” he answered. He bumped my shoulder with his. I liked that answer.    
“I would love to say the same, but I kind of knew what I was in for. You didn’t. However, you as you were such a pleasant surprise that I can’t complain either. Dagna gave me advice before she left today but I have no idea what it means. Let go.”   
He shrugged. “Maybe we can figure it out together.” I looked down at our hands. And even they just looked right. Like they were home.    
We sat there talking. For hours. And when the sun started to set, I took him down to my kitchen and he offered to cook actual food. Which… I couldn’t say no to as I was never allowed to cook. He sat me back on the counter and went nosing in the fridge and cabinets. He came up with some shrimp and pasta with a light garlic sauce. Watching him cook was almost an erotic experience in and of itself. His hands were sure and fast and never wavered. He brought me tastes of the sauce, the wine he found in the fridge. And every time he came near that smolder of heat inside me grew a little hotter. When he finally finished the food, he came to help me off the counter, but didn't move when I slid to the ground. My body pressed against his and all he could do was brush the hair from my face, swallow and kiss my forehead before grabbing our plates and setting them at the little breakfast table. 

He held out my chair and once I sat, he grabbed the wine and joined me. He told me about some of the town's residents, and we enjoyed a lovely meal. When we finished, he set the kitchen to rights and we set out on a tour of the house. I showed him the little atrium garden, the workshop Dagna had set up in the basement. The theater system in the living room that put most to shame. I skipped Dagna and Sera’s suite of rooms. That was theirs. But when I took him to mine, he raised his eyebrow before following me into the room. The room itself was painted a dark royal teal, the ceiling a crisp white. Long dark gray light blocking brocade curtains hung from the 4 windows in the bedroom.    
“Would you like to see what passes for a rich person’s master closet?” I asked with a grin. 

“When you put it that way, I really do,” he said with an answering grin.    
I swung open the closet door, and the 10 foot deep closet had rows of shoes, and rack upon rack of clothes, plus a men’s dresser at the end.    
“Are all of these your clothes?” he asked, surprised.    
“Sadly, yes. Josephine said I had to dress for my station,” I sighed.    
He left the closet and went to one of the open windows. “You really lucked out with this house,” he said. I stood next to him and nodded.    
“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered. Again surprising myself. 

“We don’t..” he started to say. I shook my head and grabbed his hand. Raised it to my lips. 

“I want this. I know you do. I can  _ feel _ it.”   
Then.. his mouth was on mine. No slow build up this time. Just an explosion of need, instant and white hot, making me tremble against him as his mouth ravaged mine. One hand snaked behind my hair, the other around my waist, pulling me against his body. I gripped his shirt, desperate for even that one tiny anchor to keep me there with him. When he finally pulled away, he rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip.    
“Last chance,” he whispered. I knew what he was asking, I put my own hand to his face and gently pulled his mouth back to mine. His arms wrapped around me, drawing me up against his chest.    
I was lost. 

No going back.    
Not that I would ever want to.    
He pulled away again, and this time he pressed a hot kiss to my forehead and drew me towards my huge bed. I toed off my sandals and crawled up onto the bed, well as easily as one can with one hand and a long skirt on. He took off his own sandals and followed me onto the bed. He laid me back onto the mound of pillows I kept there, and pressed his lips to mine again. I pulled him on top of me, relishing in the weight of him pressing me into the bed. His mouth was hot and thorough, and the answering heat rolling through me was nothing to laugh at.

I could feel his arousal through all of our clothes and I just hoped it would still be there in a while. He pulled away, looking down at me. His lips were flushed and swollen from the kisses, and his brown eyes bright and clear. He pressed a kiss to my jaw. Below my ear. In the hollow of my neck. Above the collar of my shirt. His hands raised the hem of my shirt, and he kissed my stomach, goosebumps erupting across my skin. 

He held out a hand and helped me to sit up. Then he slipped my shirt off over my head, and the quick intake of his breath told me as much as his trembling hands. The spider web of scars leading from my left arm, over and down the front of my shoulder were very visible in the bright of the evening. His finger tips touched them, and he leaned forward kissing them softly. My heart stuttered in my chest. 

Smiling he pulled his own shirt off and after a moment’s hesitation, I reached between my breasts and unfastened the bra I was wearing. I slipped it off my shoulders and dropped it with the rest of the clothes.    
Anders slowly ran a finger from my shoulder, down my chest, and around my left breast. My nipple answered by budding against his finger, and the shiver I couldn’t suppress made him smile. “Are you alright?” he asked, his voice a bit rough.    
“Better than alright,” I answered, smiling. I gave his hair a tug. Then, my heart stuttering a bit, I blushed. “Can.. you help me take my skirt off?” I whispered. “Awkward angle, doing so on a bed.”    
He chuckled and pulled me up onto my knees, sliding my skirt down my hips, and if his hands lingered a bit longer than needed on my hips and thighs, I had no objection. When my skirt was gone, he moved to remove his pants. Then his boxers and I almost expired on the spot. He was lean, well muscled but nothing like Ranier had been. Blonde hair scattered down his body and even now his arousal was impressive. He pulled me to the edge of the bed, and slid my underwear down my hips, tossing them to the floor. I ran my hand down his chest, tracing the faint scars I could see. 

He scooped me up and carried be back to the head of the bed. Laid me down gently before laying next to me. He spread his hand on my stomach, and when his mouth touched mine, his hand moved up to caress my breast. This was a lazy kiss. But not how you would think. It was slow.. Methodical. Tongue moving with his hand, hot and wet and tender. That slow burn in my stomach was quickly becoming an inferno, and he was still barely touching me. His hand moved down my stomach, over my hip, then between my legs. They took no urging, parting at his touch. Then his hand as on my core, hot skin against hot skin. His fingers parted me, delving into the wet gathered there.    
I reached out, ran my hand down his stomach. His muscles quivered under my fingers. When I reached the light hair at the apex of his thighs, he broke his mouth away from mine.    
I stared into his eyes as I wrapped my hand around his cock. I stroked him once.. Then twice. His eyes closed. Three times, then a fourth. His body trembled. Five, and six strokes. His hand stilled on me. Seven strokes. Then eight. His hips started pumping his cock into my hand. Nine times.. Then a tenth. He shuddered and pulled my hand from him.    
“I am far too close for that,” he whispered, his mouth to my ear. I nodded.    
“Please,” was all I said. A whispered plea.    
He settled himself on top of me, his hips nestled between my thighs. His chest against mine. His eyes staring down at my face. I chewed my lip, until his finger came up and stopped me. “You.. take my breath away,” he whispered. I could feel a blush stealing up my neck. 

He shifted his hips, rubbing his cock against my wet folds. He swallowed a groan. I pressed my hips against him, begging for more. Begging for all of it. Then his hand was there, guiding him, and when he finally pressed deep inside me, my eyes unfocused and my heart slowed to a crawl.

This.    
This was what I had been waiting and searching for.    
His left arm kept his face above mine, his eyes watching my face. His hair fell forward, just adding to his odd beauty. I rubbed my foot over the back of his leg, my hand lazily running over his back. Then he moved, a slow shift of his hips, withdrawing from my body, then a swift push back in. I gasped, the intensity of whatever this was nearly overwhelming. He picked up his pace, hips thrusting. I wrapped my legs around his hips, closing my eyes and just drowning in what he was doing to me. His mouth took mine, and we moved in unison. Ebb and flow. Tension and need. Breath choppy and hot, hearts racing. 

Pressure, trembling. 

Heat.

Bodies surging together, we moved. He filled me so completely. His body on mine felt like.. Home. He pulled his mouth away, looking down at me. It was so profound. Laying there in the waning evening light, shadows stretching across us, anticipation giving way to pleasure giving way to the want to give even more. He slowed his thrusts, drawing it all out. Long, and sure strokes, fanning the flames, feeding the need. Throbbing and tingling.    
He smiled down at me, stopping his movements altogether. “You… you’re glowing,” he said quietly. I blushed, fast and fierce. He spread his hand on my cheek, pressed his forehead to mine. Then, I felt it. His magic merging with mine, slipping beneath my skin, almost more intimate than what we were already engaging in. I moaned, the melding of the power far more seductive than much else we had managed before.    
He took a shaking breath, opening his eyes. “That was far more intense than I intended,” he said wryly. I nodded, breath ragged.    
Then he moved. One stroke.. Two. My eyes closed again. I drew a long breath.    
Three.. Four strokes. His hand slid into my hair, gripping my head, just this side of pain radiating from the heat of his fingers.    
Five strokes… Six.. and seven. So close, insatiable need resonating deep inside me. 

Eight.. And nine. Stars exploded behind my eyes, my head pressing back into the bed as I finally toppled over the edge into the abyss.    
Clenching and crying out, my body took over. He kept moving, trembling on top of me, as I came to pieces beneath him. He pressed his forehead to my cheek, his eyes pressed closed as he finally gave in. Moaning, he followed me, his own orgasm hot and pulsing 

Hearts racing. Ears ringing. I held him as hard as he held me, bodies still twitching and throbbing. His body slowly relaxed onto mine, and I welcomed it gladly. I kept my eyes closed, relishing the bliss. My hand lazily rubbed up and down his side,  and eventually I sighed. 

“That was surprising,” I managed to whisper. He nodded, then lifted his head to look down at me. 

“You alright?” he asked. I smiled. It must have been some smile, as he started blushing. Fiercely. I ran my fingers down his cheek, “Are  _ you _ alright?” I asked with a grin. He nodded. I drew his mouth back to mine. When he finally pulled away, he carefully rolled off of me and laid next to me on the bed. I rolled onto my right side, propping my head on my hand. He took a breath. 

He pulled me against his side, and after I settled my head on his shoulder, he spoke.    
“I have never had someone glow during mind blowing sex before.”   
I laughed. “I’ve never glowed during mind blowing sex before.. Then again I haven’t had much mind blowing sex, so this is definitely a ‘atop the list of things I must repeat’ moment.” 

He chuckled. “You know what’s strange? Back.. in Kirkwall, when I was in the midst of my crush or whatever it was on Kess, Justice.. Vengeance, whatever, was sure I was making a mistake. Since nothing came of it, I was fairly sure it was overreacting. But, when I met you, Justice was quiet. Not a sound. And when I kissed you in the fade last night, it felt so right. And Justice agreed.”    
I felt a tingle deep in my stomach. He sighed. “I’m still not entirely sure what it means, but he was really against Kess. Vehement. Almost to the point of violence. But either you soothe him in way she never could, or he resonates with you. Do you feel it?”    
I nodded. “Pretty sure I do.” I looked up at him, he looked.. Peacefully content.    
“Anders. I came here having no idea what I would find.” I scooted up and looked down at him. “Finding you was a definite surprise. But it feels right. And I have no argument with the way the universe did this. Will you stay?” I asked, surprising both of us.    
“Are you sure?”   
I nodded, then he nodded. I kissed him before climbing from the bed. I went into the bathroom naked, intent on taking the myriad of pills I had been given in Halamshiral. Anders showed up at the door when I made noise trying to open one of the bottles. He held out a hand and I sheepishly handed it to him. He read the label, “What did they give you these for?” he asked, not opening it.    
“Some were for pain, some were for the nightmares. I don’t take all of them,” I said and he sighed.    
“Can I see the rest? Do you mind?” he asked. I shook my head and gestured to the bottles on the counter. He picked them all up, separated out the couple bottles he had given me and took the rest and tossed them in the trash. I just raised my eyebrows.    
“You don’t need those. You.. your problems aren’t physical. They’re magical. Which is probably why you’ve been having such strong nightmares. Two of those have definite psychological interactions. It might take a week or two but you should be able to sleep better soon. And.. if you keep me around I can deal with the pain management for your arm. I’m a useful guy to have around,” he said with a grin. I smiled back.    
“You are the doctor here. I guess you would know better than me. Besides,” I stepped towards him, and touched his chest, “you are so very easy to look at. And you smell amazing.”    
He laughed. It was a gorgeous sound. Free. He pulled me closer. “Awe and here I thought you only wanted me around for my cooking skills,” he teased. I pretended to think on it.    
“They were superb cooking skills. I think.. I’ll keep you around for all of the things,” I answered with a smile. He threaded his fingers into my hair, drawing my mouth back to his. And there it was, that tingle low in my belly. That.. feeling of right. He lifted me onto the marble counter, then proceeded to make love to me again.    
A few hours later, we finally crawled into my bed. Curled around each other amidst the blankets and pillows, I fell asleep feeling safe for the first time in almost a year.    
  
A little while before dawn, I awoke screaming in the bed. The bed linens were smoldering and I could feel the magic like little tendrils crawling about the room. It felt almost sick. Anders woke, and after a very quick look around he put his hand over my forehead and …

 

**Silence**

 

I opened my eyes. Sunlight was the first thing I noticed, then his hand on my face. Anders. I opened my eyes again, and there he was, concern marring his handsome face. I tried to smile but it felt off. He gave me a wry smile.    
“I don’t think you know how really powerful you are,” he said quietly. I tried to sit up, and he helped me. I rubbed a hand over my face and took a breath.    
“No. I know how powerful I am. I just.. Have no control. Anymore. Or not enough?” 

He took my hand, wound his fingers through mine. “I have some ideas on that. I have had a lot of time to perfect some very specific kinds of meditation and control. I had to relearn myself after Vengeance became so strong. Would you like to try?”    
I shrugged. “I really have nothing better to do. And if it gets me more one on one time..” I said with an eyebrow wiggle. He laughed. “Would I really need an excuse after all this?”   
I shook my head. “Not even a single one. I find I like having you around. Whether or not you are useful. Or smell like the ocean. Or make my stomach all hot and..” he looked surprised.    
“Thank you.” 

“What for?” I asked.   
“For being.. You. Not demanding anything of me, or hating me. Blaming me even.”   
I shook my head. “Nothing to hate or blame you for. We’ve been over this. If you’re a criminal so am I. End of story. Now.. I need food.” I climbed from the bed and went to the closet. I fetched a robe and attempted to put it on myself. It was a little bit of a struggle until he appeared behind me and took the robe from my hands. He held it out and helped me put it on, then he even tied the sash. He put his pants on and followed me down to the kitchen. He put me back onto the island counter and proceeded to make a gorgeous breakfast. Fluffy eggs, toast, bacon and some of the fresh apple juice Dagna kept stocked in the fridge. We sat at the table and ate in companionable silence, and when we finished, I helped clean up. 

We went back to my room, and he suggested we try some of his meditation. I went into the closet to get clothes, and was about to go into the bathroom to dress. “Do you need help?” he asked, a little bit of uncertainty on his face. I smiled.    
“No, thank you. I have to try and do as much as possible myself. You won’t always be here, neither will Dagna or Sera. I just.. Look really stupid trying to do it myself so I’m going to go into the bathroom. Give me time to get used to all of this. Please.” He nodded and sat on the bed.    
After taking the 10 minutes in the bathroom to put on my sports bra, panties, long loose yoga pants, and my big loose tank top, I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. I took care of deodorant and my teeth then left the bathroom. “Can you help me tie my shoes?” I asked, my face crimson.    
“Of course.” 

He was already dressed in the clothes he had been wearing the day before. “I want to go grab some clothes. Want to come with me?” he asked. 

“Sure. Could be fun. Set the tongues in town to wagging even more.”    
He laughed, and after I gathered my purse, we left the house and got into his car. We made small talk on the way back into town, and when he parked his car behind the clinic, I hopped down and stretched, then followed him into the back door of the clinic. He led me down a short hallway and into a small apartment he kept on the premises. Simple and elegant, a bit sparse but practical for a man living on his own. His kitchen was a wonder to behold, big and spacious with newer appliances and such. I followed him through to his bedroom, and one look at his big bed brought all sorts of fun things to mind.    
He saw me eying the bed. “It’s.. it’s a waterbed,” he managed to say, before running a hand through his hair and turning away. 

He went into his bathroom, and I sat on the edge of the bed. It sloshed around under me and my brain instantly went into the gutter. I laid back and closed my eyes. Waited for him to do whatever it was he was going to do. I heard him moving around the room, the shuffle of his clothes. The waterbed rocking under him as he sat next to me. 

“Is there anything you need in town?” he asked, surprising me.    
“Food?” I asked hopefully. He laughed.    
“You just ate,” he said. I shrugged. Then I poked his arm.    
“You are totally right. I did just eat. But now I’m laying on your extremely nifty waterbed.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And what does that mean, exactly?” I turned into my right side, propping my head on my hand. My tank top shifted, falling off my right shoulder. His eyes followed it, and his pupils dilated just enough to tell me he had noticed. 

I raised an eyebrow in return, “Well. If I have to spell it out for you, you're not nearly as smart as I thought you were.” 

He rolled onto his left side, smoothed my hair away from my face. He leaned forward and just as he moved to kiss me..

The doorbell rang. I growled and flopped back onto the bed. He groaned and got up to go answer it. I heard the door open then.. Silence. I sat up. Then this wave of power flashed through the apartment, and my own power wanted to answer in kind. 

“Elyse? Could you come here for a minute?” he called from the front room, his voice far less polite than it had been a minute before. I got up and tried to gather the panic in my chest. The closer I got to the front of the apartment, the colder the air was.

“Are you the new owner of the house on the bluffs?” a man at the door asked before I even got all the way to the door. “Well it is awfully nice to meet you too, Ser…?” I said, stalling. 

“We're from the local police station. There have been odd reports about the goings on our at your house.”

I raised my eyebrow. “Who said it was mine?” I asked, feeling the power arc through my body. Anders put his hand on my back, trying to steady me.

“Ma’am, we know you own the new house. What is going on out there? The Templars notified is of magic use out there and we need to know what you are doing.” 

A second man moved into view and my heart almost stopped. Ser Barris. Wearing a dark suit and tie, sunglasses and shined shoes, he looked nothing like the Templar Lieutenant that he was.    
“Hallo, Mery,” he said with a small smile. I just gave a nod. We had found him, after everything was done. Half mad from the red lyrium, but not gone enough to need to be institutionalized. Dagna and Fiona had worked with and on him ceaselessly for weeks to save him. And here he was. “Why are you here?” I said, my tone as cold as the rest of me. The wind picked up from outside and Barris raised his eyebrow at me, as he lowered his sunglasses.    
“Why do you think I’m here, In.. Mery?” his voice was low. I took a step back.    
“I’m not going back.”   
“Why not?” 

“Because I can’t yet. I’m not ready,” I whispered it. The other man, the first who had been at the door, just looked confused. “Stay here, Tomas,” Barris said, before letting himself into the house. I backed up quickly, until Anders stopped me.    
“Someone tell me what the hell is going on, now,” Anders demanded, looking between myself and Barris.    
“Doctor, this.. This is Ser Barris. He was one of the Templars under Samson in Orlais. A few members of my staff saved him from the red lyrium infection he had.”   
“How did he find you?” he asked me, wary now.    
I sighed. “I don’t know. Probably the night time whatever happening with my magic. I don’t know. Barris. You will not tell Cassandra or Cullen where I am.” My tone had changed. Back was the Inquisitor. The imperial ‘obey or be punished’ tone I had perfected over the 3 years I was Inquisitor.    
“Inquisitor, you know I have to report..”    
Light flashed from my right hand. His eyes widened.    
“You. Will. Not.”    
“Seeker Penta..”    
“Do I need to pull rank?” Even as I spoke the words I regretted them. I hated my rank. He just raised his eyebrow again. “You? Pull rank?” he teased.    
I felt my chest tighten.    
“Yes. I am not going back. I still have no control. And I can’t.. I can’t go back yet.”   
“The Seeker said I’m not to return without you.” His voice was quiet again. And my heart sank.    
“I don’t care. I am not longer the Inquisitor. There is no more Inquisition. I can’t heal under those conditions.” My voice cracked, and I hated myself in that moment, showing that weakness. 

“Mery, you are thousands of miles from home. They are worried for you,” Barris said.    
“I know. But I can’t be the me I was. I’m broken right now. My magic is unstable. My emotions and control all over the place. I’m not safe,” I whispered the last, my voice rough and low.    
“Oh, I can’t believe that.”    
“I create snow storms inside my house, outside my house. I make the house glow in my sleep. There’s more but it’s all embarrassing. Please. Go back and tell them you didn’t find me. Or say you have other leads to follow. Something. Anything,” I begged.    
“Wait, who is this?” Barris asked, finally looking at Anders.    
“He’s the local doctor, Anderson. He has dealings with magical issues. And he’s my friend. Maybe,” I looked over at his worried face, “maybe he’s more.” 

“You want to stay here for a snog?” he asked, forgetting himself.    
Before I even had a chance to pull it back, a shock of power rippled through me, and my heart sped up.    
“Are you kidding me? When I found you, you were willing to whore yourself out for any taste of red lyrium, or did you forget?” I hissed, sparks emanating from my hand. “I have asked for NOTHING since I became Inquisitor. I just did what everyone wanted, bent over backwards and LOST MY FUCKING ARM to save the world not once, but TWICE! How dare YOU judge ME for wanting a little happiness before I go back and TRY AGAIN!”    
His dark skin turned pasty and his eyes grew huge, and then Anders’s hand was on my head, and those whispered words again..

 

**Silence**

 

I awoke on his bed. The room was completely dark and I felt very.. Heavy. I tried to remember how I got into the bed. I .. remember laying on the bed trying to seduce Anders. Then.. A doorbell?   
Ser Barris.    
Me yelling?    
I covered my mouth. Had I killed him?! I sat up and looked around frantically. I was alone in the room and the terror in my stomach turned to ice. I crawled off the bed, and made it to the door before the dizziness swamped me. I opened it, but before I slid to the floor Anders caught me.    
“What are you doing awake?” he asked me with a wry smile. I just slid into his arms, and he scooped me up effortlessly. “You shouldn’t be awake yet,” he murmured into my hair. I tried to touch his face but.. My left arm was still gone. I snorted. Then I sniffled. “Ah, honey don’t do that. Barris is still here. And he’s fine, just to let you know.”    
I pressed my face into his shoulder, and took a breath.    
“I am way too much drama. You should wash your hands of me, now, before it swallows you whole,” I said with a bitter laugh.

“Oh, want to get rid of me already?” he asked, carrying me back into the bedroom. He set me onto the bed and kneeled in front of me. I put my head down and took a breath.    
“Did I hurt him?” I whispered.    
“Not so much. Your power kind of.. Sucked the air out of the room for a moment. Starting by him. He’s fine.”   
“I can’t go back,” I whispered again.    
“He knows. He’s going to stay here for a while. And I’m going to stay with you. You’ve been unconscious for about 8 hours, we had a lot of time to talk. He still has no idea who I am, thankfully,” he chuckled. I sighed.    
“You can still walk away,” I said, but he shook his head. 

“Nope. You are stuck with me. If that’s alright.”   
I nodded, put my hand to his face. “I am far more trouble than I’m worth, you know,” I said, trying to smile.    
He just shook his head and pulled me forward, kissing me softly. I kissed him back, kind of falling into it. He deepened the kiss, pulling me closer. When he finally pulled away, I sighed and opened my eyes.    
“Let’s go talk to Barris. And feed you. I can already hear you asking for food,” he teased, helping me to my feet. He kept my hand as we walked back through the apartment. In the living room, Barris shot to his feet.    
“I.. I’m so sorry, my lady,” he started to stammer, but I just shook my head.    
“You didn’t do anything wrong. You were following orders, and Cassandra is a hardass to begin with, and intimidating.”   
He sighed. “I didn’t want to come after you. But when the strange reports of ‘out of control magic’ started rolling in, she knew it was you. She wants me to not come back without you. So, the Doctor has offered to let me stay here. Apparently I am not allowed to stay with you.” He gave Anders a look. Then he glanced at me again, “Are you really alright, Inquisitor?” he asked me.   
“You have to stop. I’m not the fucking Inquisitor. I quit. Walked away. No more!” 

“Hah. Not a single one of your advisors has stopped calling you that, neither do the remaining staff at Skyhold. You are the Inquisitor, whether or not there is an Inquisition. You.. you earned that title. And then some. Besides.. The Divine has told me I can’t come home until you do.” 

“Home is it?” I asked, eyeing him. He suddenly found the ceiling vastly more interesting than myself. “Barris. Why are you living in Skyhold?” I asked.    
“Because the Divine told me to. Cassandra. Maker’s breath,” he muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. I looked on in wonder.    
“Are you and Cass an ITEM?!” I whispered, equal parts mystified and horrified. “Is she ALLOWED to have an item? I mean relationship?” 

He sighed. “Yes. She is. Technically, it’s more like it’s not a rule either way? What is it called, a loophole?”    
“You.. and Cassandra. I never would have guessed. What does she wear under her robes, Del?” I asked, smothering a laugh. He covered his face. I actually laughed and felt much better.

“I'm going to order some food, we'll eat and talk then we can head back to your house, if you can stop torturing the poor man,” Anders said with a sigh. “The diner is still open, menu is on the coffee table. I'm going to go check the clinic real quick,” he said kissing the top of my head before heading out and into the clinic. I sat on the couch, suddenly aware I was alone with a templar and had no way other than unstable magic to protect myself.

“I come in peace,” Barris said. I could only nod.

“Delrin, I'm tired. I don't sleep well, and my power is unstable and I can't be what you all need me to be right now,” I said quietly, looking ardently at the menu. 

He took the paper from my hand and sat next to me. “Come on. You know me better than that. I know this doctor isn't an ordinary doctor, and your power is erratic. We spent weeks together recovering, I'm not some random templar sent to drag you home. They sent me because I'm your friend. I hope.”

“Of course you are. I'm just not a good friend at the moment. It could be a while before I’m ready to go back. I have to relearn control, and mastery over whatever kind of magic this is. It’s hard. And terrifying. And I already almost hurt you once. I don’t know if I could forgive myself if I managed to hurt you.”

He reached out and put his hand on my knee. Simple gesture that made me want to run out of the apartment like it was on fire. I stayed where I was, though the self control I exerted was immense. “You are the strongest person I’ve ever met, Inquisitor. If anyone can get through this, you can.”

I nodded. He moved back to the other end of the couch and took a breath. “I’m sorry for just showing up this way, too. Cass sent me on the private Chantry jet. It was ridiculous. I think they are all worried about you.”   
“I know. They will get over it. You can use my encrypted cell to call them if you want, say you’re fine and I’m fine and not tell them where we are. That last part would be great.”

“She technically knows where we are, Inquisitor.”   
I sighed. Rubbed my face with my hand and ran my fingers through my hair. “Then tell her if she tries to force my hand, things are likely to get ugly. She knows how stubborn I am.”   
“Fine. That I can do.”   
About a half hour later, the doorbell rang again with our food delivery, and after Anders paid the young man, he ushered us into his tiny kitchen. We sat and ate and made small talk for a while. Then after sleeping arrangements were made, Anders gave Barris his key to the apartment, grabbed his small bag, bolted the clinic doors and we headed back to my house. When he pulled his Jeep up in front of my house, this frisson of unease crept through me. But it was gone as quick as it had come. We went inside, and made our way back to my bedroom after locking up and securing the house. 

Anders dropped his bag next to the big stuffed chair in the room, then sat to remove his shoes. I went into the closet and clumsily undressed, grabbing a blanket from the shelf in there and wrapping it around myself after a couple tries. I went back into the room to find him sitting on the chair in just his pants, his head against the back and his eyes closed. I felt this momentary tightness in my chest. I was in real danger of falling in love with him. His hair fell over his forehead, and his face was still scruffy from not shaving at all today. His skin was a beautiful golden brown, unsurprising given where he’s lived for a while. His eyes opened and he caught me staring at him.    
“Are you alright?” he asked me. I nodded, walking over to him. I sat on his lap and just looked at him for a minute.    
“You know what?” I asked, surprising myself. 

“What?”   
“Thank you,” I said, simply. 

“For?”   
“Everything. Not running at the first sign of a Templar. Or worse, handing me over and making a break for it. Many would have. I am a lot of trouble, it seems.”   
He shook his head. “Nah. I like having you around. Even your particularly adorable brand of trouble.” He rubbed a hand over my back. I took a breath, then stood. “Come with me?” I asked. He nodded and stood. I led him through the house, my hand still clutching the blanket around me. When we got up into my attic, I opened all of the curtains, letting the moonlight spill into the room. I moved into the room, nudging the pillows aside and kneeling on the floor. He sat next to me, then laid back onto the pillows. I laid next to him, and he pulled me into his arms. I adjusted the blanket, covering us both. Then I waved my arm at the ceiling, making the ceiling transparent, and the tree branches and leaves above it as well, so we could see the stars. 

“Handy trick, that,” he said, trailing his fingers up and down my arm. I snuggled close.    
“I was scared today. This place kind of centers me. Makes me feel a bit calmer than otherwise. Having you here is just icing on the cake, so to speak,” I said with a chuckle. He sighed.    
“You know, we did get rudely interrupted this afternoon,” he mentioned, trying for nonchalant. I smiled against his side. I looked up at him.    
“Oh? We were? What were we doing that was so interruptible?” I asked innocently.    
“I believe I was going to make love to you on my, oh what was it you said? ‘Nifty waterbed’, that was it.” 

“You were? Well, I’ll be.. I’m free now if you’re game,” I teased. 

“Oh, I thought you were tired,” he said with a fake yawn. I poked his side and he laughed. He rolled on top of me, straddling me under the blanket. His hands braced him above me and his hair hung from his head. I looked him over, “Isn’t that my position?” I murmured. His breath hitched. I ran my hand up his chest, caressed his face. He leaned down, taking my mouth with his.    
He proceeded to make love to me there in the attic. Twice. And when the sun was coming up, he closed the blinds and we fell asleep there in the attic, surrounded by each other and mounds of pillows, deliciously tired and sore and satisfied. And when I slipped into the fade, there he was, waiting for me on the beach, his hair down, in his pajama pants. He held out his hand to me and we walked, and talked and got to know each other outside of the world's eyes. I found myself falling a little more in love with him every passing minute.    
A tortured man.    
A broken woman.    
Mages both, and much more than meets the eye. 

We were about to take the world by storm. Little did we know how much so. 


	3. The Suspense Is Killing Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meryna and Anders find a new kind of comfortable, as they get to know one another. Her magic keeps surprising them and Dagna makes surprising progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry this took so LONG to get out! I've had a rough couple months and it's taken a toll on my writing. I'm finally getting back into the saint of things and this... I'm writing everything apparently.

Over the next few days, we found a new routine. Anders going into the town to the clinic for his usual morning appointments, then going ‘on-call’ for the rest of the day while he came back to the house to help me with my magic. I worried endlessly, that Cassandra would find Barris, that the Templars would send reinforcements and try to take me back. Oh the growing mental list was staggering. 

Today I found myself wondering about  _ him _ . How he would feel when we had to re-enter the real world. The world that saw him as a mix of savior and murderer. That led to thinking of him in my bed at Skyhold. That giant 4 poster monstrosity that had curtains and bars to hold on to. I could feel my stomach getting hot. I rubbed a hand over my mouth. 

“You’re doing it again,” Anders said from the other side of the kitchen.    
“Doing what?” I asked, trying to figure out what I had done this time.    
“Look up,” he said quietly. I sighed and did.    
The ceiling was sparkling, little purple lights dancing around. I felt a blush climbing up my chest. “Well. In the words of Varric, shit,” I mumbled. Anders laughed, walked over to me. Cornered me against the counter, his mouth hovering above mine.    
“You are fascinating. What were you thinking about that made you sparkle?” he asked. I shrugged. Maybe I had been thinking about  _ him _ .    
“What do you think I was thinking about?” I asked, trying to play coy. I fixed his collar with my hand, sliding my hand behind his head. 

“Oh, that’s how you play things, is it?” he teased. I nodded and pulled his mouth down to mine, gave him a simple kiss. Blue lights joined the purple. His eyes danced with laughter as he pulled away, looking around.    
“You are becoming transparent,” he whispered, pressing closer. I gave a low hum as he kissed my jaw, then my neck. His hand moved to the tie on the front of my robe, loosening it with a gentle tug. His nose nudged it open near my collarbone, and his smile grew when he saw goosebumps grace my skin. His left hand slid inside the robe, hot as it rested against my side. His right traced a hot trail down my chest, between my breasts to my quivering stomach. White lights joined the blue and purple in the air around us. I coughed, trying to cover the laugh I felt bubbling up inside me. He just shook his head and lifted me onto the counter, my robe cool under my thighs as I sat there, bared for his viewing. 

“I’m going to try something,” he murmured, and before I could respond, I felt his magic reaching out. This  _ pull _ that started to bring all of the little floating lights around the room to him. He began to absorb them, and when the last of them vanished beneath his skin, his eyes glowed for a moment. When they were back to their normal golden hue, he gave me a grin.    
“That worked better than I thought,” he mused out loud. I just raised an eyebrow. “I called to the magic in the air. And for some reason it likes me, and responded really well.”   
“Maybe it’s because I like you that my magic likes you. Or something. Are we going to eat breakfast or are you going to finish what you started?” I asked, my hand moving to fix my robe. His stopped me. “Which would you rather have?” he asked quietly. 

“Both, but in the order of breakfast second.”    
His breath hitched. Eyes narrowed. “How is it that I go without for years, and can’t seem to go without for more than a few hours with you around?” he asked. I gave him a slow smile.    
“Why question a good thing? No.. Not good. Excellent. Spectacularly splendid.”   
He laughed. I shrugged my shoulders and the robe fell from me, landing with a swoosh behind me onto the counter. His hands were on me in the next second, as his mouth descended on mine. I gripped his shirt, keeping him close, his heart racing under my hand. His hands slid around me, gripping my butt on the countertop, sliding me forward against his chest. My legs spread wider as he pressed closer, his clothes the biggest hindrance of the day. I dropped my hand, sliding his belt out of its confines, before unbuttoning his pants. His mouth never left mine, tongues tangled and hot, a kiss that was more than just a kiss. My hand slid inside the front of his pants and his entire body twitched as my fingers closed around his cock.    
As I began to stroke him, his hands moved around me, and up my chest, each taking a breast. His hands were hot and greedy, pulling and kneading, spreading fire along my skin. His hips began to move, soft thrusts that pushed his cock further into my hand. And there we stayed, long moments of him in my hand, and me in his, until he shakily pulled away from my mouth and hand. His hands quickly unbuttoned the top two buttons of his loose cotton shirt, and he swiftly drew it over his head before dropping it to the floor. Then his hand was unzipping his pants, freeing his impressive arousal. I shifted on the counter, anticipation at the look he was giving me about to do me in all my itself. He stepped back between my legs, his cock nudging my thigh. “Do you want this slow or fast?” he asked me, his voice low.    
“Fast,” I whispered back, staring up into his eyes. He gave this low growl, pulling me against his chest, “Wrap your legs around me,” he ordered. I complied and with the next breath was being lifted from the counter. He carried me to the pantry door, pressing my back against the cool wood. He shifted then, his cock against my entrance. “Fast you say?” he asked. I nodded, pulling his mouth back to mine. He needed no further urging, giving a thrust and burying himself inside me. I moaned into his mouth, my entire body thrumming with power and want. He wasted no time, began to move inside me with quick and precise thrusts, drawing his cock from my body before driving it deep again.    
This continuous, heavy rhythm that took my breath away. His left hand was on my butt, pressed against the door, his right wrapped around my lower back, steadying me against him. I pulled my mouth from his, my head falling back against the door. He pressed his forehead to my neck, and my hand slid between us to touch myself. And to be honest, it didn’t take long.    
Delicious pressure.    
Need fed by raw power. 

My magic pulling at his.    
The very air around us tingling with it, the way it sinuously wrapped itself in and around us. He ground his pelvis into mine and I was lost. Head falling forward, a strangled sound ripped from my throat. Clenching and throbbing, taking him with me as I rode the pleasure. His forehead dropped to the side of my face, his voice rough as he came, pulsing deep inside me.    
I shivered against his chest and he chuckled. “We have the damnedest timing,” he murmured. I nodded and looked up, before smothering another laugh. The little floating lights were now exploding in little displays like fireworks. Anders looked and heaved a dramatic sigh. “Even your magic thinks I'm good,” he muttered. I poked his arm. He ran a hand down my cheek. 

“Careful there,” he said quietly. I raised an eyebrow. 

“You don't want to fall for me, do you?” he teased. I shrugged a shoulder. “Your warning might be a little late,” I said. 

“Oh really now?” he pulled me closer, chest to chest, mouth a breath from mine. I nodded, my eyes on his. My fingers dove into his hair, drawing his mouth back to mine. He hummed low in his chest as he kissed me back. I fell into it, my heart a little less bruised than before. 

 

A while later, after we had managed to eat and put actual clothes on, Anders and I went into town. We shopped for food, checked in on the clinic and had some coffee at the little cafe. Tongues were practically wagging out of everyone's faces. Before heading back to the house, I stopped in to see Barris. 

He was on the phone when I entered the apartment. He hastily hung it up.

“Divine?” I asked with a wry smile. I still couldn't quite get over the thought of him and her together. 

“Aye. Well, Cassandra today. Not the Divine. Just checking in. That's all. I didn't tell her anything pertinent, just lame little facts. She knows I'm playing coy, and I've a feeling she'll be getting revenge when I go home.”

I took a breath. “I'm sorry that I stuck you in that position. It'll be over soon enough, if the universe has anything to do with it.”

He tilted his head, concern on his face. “What do you know?”

“Nothing. But, seeing as I haven't been able to get away from who the world made me into, I just know I'll be drawn back in before I want to be.”

He snorted. “For a supposedly pious figure, you're very cynical,” he exclaimed. I gave a bitter laugh.

“I've never claimed piety or divine luck. And after everything that's happened the last three years, I can honestly say we have more of history wrong than we should have. But that's not a discussion for now. Do you need anything while I'm in town?”

“Like?”

“I dunno. Food? Clothes? Entertainment via electrical something's? I've unlimited funds at my disposal. Untraceable I might add. I can't imagine you came with much luggage.”

He shrugged. “I had a go bag, so I'm not without clothes. I'm all set, Inq.. Mery. The good doctor set me up with his television and gaming system, I'm all good. It's like another vacation. Or something.”

I nodded, and when I felt some agitation from Anders outside, I bade Barris goodbye and exited the way I came in. A well suited man stood talking to Anders, and the look he gave me was nothing shy of disdainful. 

“Is everything alright?” I asked sweetly. Anders sighed.

“Elise, meet the Mayor, Edmond. Ed, meet Elise.” 

I held out my hand and the man could barely shake it. I raised my eyebrows.

“Did I do something to offend you, Mayor?” I asked quietly. 

He looked startled. “Not, not really. I'm sorry but you remind me of someone,” He said, staring at me rudely. I smiled gently. “I hear that often,” I said.

He curtly nodded, “So you're busy, then?” he asked Anders, who nodded.

“We've discussed this, Ed. I'm not interested. In either offer. Tell your wife hello,” he said with a friendly pat on the man's shoulder. Anders then took my hand and we walked back to this SUV. He helped me in and climbed behind the steering wheel.

“So - you have questions, I suppose?” he asked as he started the engine. I shrugged. 

“Is it my business?” I countered.

“If you want it to be. I don't have much to hide at this point. His wife wanted me to.. Join them? I guess. I refused. Then they offered me the post of being their in house doctor. Which I also refused. Neither of them had taken no for answer. I've said it about ten times now. They're persistent.”

I thought on that. He was a good looking man. Very good looking, if my speedy pulse when I looked at him had a vote. But… to be that persistent. 

“Are you sure they don't have ulterior motives?” I asked.

His eyebrows rose. “Why would they?” he asked.

“I've learned the hard way, nothing is ever as it seems. Not 100%. You're not a simple mage doctor running a clinic. I'm not a simple amputee with nothing but time and money on my hands.”

“You're perceptive. I have a feeling there is more to their persistence but I don't care enough to find out.”

“Maybe we should try. I'll have Sera look into it. If anyone can find out, it's her. She's.. Let's just say she is incredibly thorough and sneaky as hell when she needs to be.”

He sighed. “As you wish,” he sneered, making me laugh. He drove us back to my house. Where we found Dagna and Sera sitting on the front porch. 

Dagna hopped out of her chair, running to the Jeep. “Mery! I think I did it! I think I found the right formula for the enchantment runes for your arm! This is IT!! I know it!!” she exclaimed, pulling my door open and trying to help me from the vehicle. I slapped her hand away, climbing down on my own.    
“Woman, speak slower, explain things in a way someone dumb like myself can understand.”   
She snorted at me. “You are the smartest person I know, Inquisitor. Don’t be like that. Come with me!” she said, rushing inside. Sera gave me a fist bump as I walked by, and she whistled at Anders. He looked at me with some trepidation, and I just laughed as I went into the house. He followed us down to Dagna’s workshop. She went to her biggest workbench and punched her code into the lock on the long drawer tucked beneath the surface. The drawer slid out soundlessly and inside sat three metal boxes. She pulled the far left one out, opening it. Nestled inside was a bright glowing tiny little rune. Maybe the size of a small coin. I could feel the power emanating from it. “This is a stability rune. It will help harness your own powers, focus them.”   
She pulled out another box, this one holding a spectacularly purple one. “This one is the rune that will allow your body to communicate with the magic mechanics. Move the fingers right and so on.” She set that one down before taking out the last box. She was practically bouncing on her toes then.

She opened the box and I almost gasped. Inside sat one that was swirling with all sorts of brilliant colors. “I, well I cheated for this one. I knew how to do it. How it could be done. But I needed another dwarf like me to do it. So maybe Sera and I took a flight to Halamshiral to speak to a very special dwarf.” She set the box in my hand. 

“You know, well that I knew the Hero of Ferelden before she saved the world. She helped get me my apprenticeship with the circle at Kinloch Hold. And  _ she _ knew a dwarf and his son named Sandal, who had an amazing affinity with enchantments.” 

Anders made a sound.8

“I knew them as well. Sandal was bright and not so wordy as the rest of us,” he said, his eyes finding mine. I just nodded.

Dagna raised eyebrows but I just shook my head. She sighed and talked on. “He helped me with this one. See part of the problem with your magic now is that without the anchor to channel it, it's wild and untamed. It feels better now but not like it  _ could _ be. Even using the focus stones before didn't help.” She started to pace, “This is something no one's ever attempted before. This is a Fade stone. One of the ones you brought back from Adamant.” 

I was shocked. I had made a habit of collecting odd rocks as I traveled about for Dagna. I had found some really interesting rocks at Adamant. 

“Are you serious?” I asked. 

She laughed this tickled delighted laugh. “Yes! That's the beauty of it! I took the rocks to Sandal, and between the two of us, we tweaked them just a little and they ACTIVATED! This was the strongest and the most stable. It should, in theory, link you to the fade. Where your powers are  _ already _ linked.”

I stared down at the little stone. 

Could this little sparkly bit of innocuousness save me?

“How?” was all I said.

She understood. “You only need to wear it. I'm going to set it into some stormheart. Best for this kind of thing. One would usually think viridium, but it made another one of the runes implode. No thank you. You've been blown up enough for one life time, Inquisitor. Oh. OH! Mery!” She started to stutter but I just laughed. “He knows. Everything. Well mostly everything.”

Anders just shook his head. “Does she know?” he asked me. I shook my head. “Everyone will, eventually. Your choice. Though she is  _ usually _ better with secrets.” I gave her a wink. She gaped at me. 

“Who  _ are _ you?” she whispered loudly to me. I sat down on her high stool. 

“I'm free. Barris is here. I won't let him go home yet. And I figured out why we.. Well I was led here. Him.” I gestured towards Anders. He held out his hand, taking a breath. 

“Hi. My name is Anders.” 

She squealed. Actually squealed. Then she bypassed his hand and hugged him. 

He stood there, shock on his face. Then he hugged her back. 

“Thank you,” she said when she pulled away. 

“For?” he asked. 

“Being the change so many couldn't be.”

I felt his pain at that. But, it wasn't as sharp as before, and he heaved a sigh. “I can't say you're welcome. But thank you for not bashing me over the head with one of your many tools,” he said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Dagna. He's coming home with us when we go. But for now, let's not announce who he is. Call him Anderson. For now. Please?” I asked her quietly. She just nodded, giving him another happy look. I rolled my eyes. 

She walked over to me and took my hand. “Are you happy?” she asked me, blunt as usual. I nodded. 

“I am. Really. A little worried but I'm very happy.” I started to blush again, and those stupid twinkling little balls of light reappeared. Anders coughed. I glared at him. He laughed and walked over to me. 

“It's alright. I'm happy too,” he said, pulling me into his arms. Dagna just looked around in wonder. 

“Your feelings manifest like this now?” she asked, trying to catch one in a jar. I shrugged. “Apparently. Or only good feelings. I still freeze things when I'm sleeping. And somehow I learned how to remove air from a room,” I said with another blush. 

She heaved a dramatic sigh. “Go away so I can set the one rune then, and tomorrow we'll do a final test for the arm prototype. Go on, shoo,” she said, ushering me off of the stool. 

“Send Sera in, would you?” she called out as we left the room. I found Sera in the kitchen eating some chips. 

“Her Nerdiness had summoned you,” I said with a grin. She just laughed and gave Anders a wave before loping out of the room.

“Well,” Anders said, leaning against the counter. I walked over to him, stepping between his legs. 

“Not everyone will vilify you,” I said quietly, my hand straightening out his shirt. He took it between his, raising it to his lips. “Not everyone will be so kind, either.”

“You'll be under my official protection. I'm still fairly untouchable and the King owes me. And the Divine is a close personal friend.”

He swallowed. “You have a lot of friends in high places,” he muttered. 

“I know people in high places. Most are not friends. Not anymore,” I said, looking down at nothing in particular. 

“What does that mean?” he asked. I stepped back, holding out my hand. He took it and I led him up to my room. I warded the room, sight and sound. He took a seat on my bed, and I paced the floor in front of him.

“I already told you most of what happened. How we were pretty much ambushed on two sides at the Exalted Council. And how I fought the Qunari wench. And Solas told me of his ancient happenings. Well I'm fairly sure that if he intends to rip down the veil, I handed him the key.”

He raised an eyebrow and just waited me out. I took a breath.

“During our travels, he had me activating all of these strange elven orbs. He said they were strengthening the veil in those areas. I have no idea if that was true, not at this point. The voices say those orbs were ancient even in their time, and that they are the key. Still not sure how.”

“Well do you have any of those things?” he asked.

“Actually.. Yes. Before I left I ordered some nondescript rounding up of the orbs. I already had three in my castle, beneath the dungeons.”

“You.. Had dungeons?”

“It was an old castle, alright?”

He just held out his hand. I shook my head.

“There's something much bigger that I feel like I'm missing. These was so much happening in the crossroads with the Qunari invasion and Solas and his revelations. Then I was dying and delirious. The world changed so utterly and completely for me over a few days. I need to remember. But with my magic all scattered, and my nightmares and everything else I'm not in a place to remember.”

“I can help with that. I think. Let me look up a few things tomorrow and we can try something.” He stood up and came over to me. “You aren't the only one this rests on, you know. You've got a whole slew of people who would die for you. I can see if in Dagna and Barris. Have a little faith in yourself.” 

I turned away from him. “I don't know if I can trust myself after everything,” I whispered, closing my eyes. 

His hands pulled my back against his chest. He wrapped an arm around my chest. “Why?” he asked me quietly. 

“Because two of my closest friends betrayed me. Solas and Ranier. And I was completely blind. Blind to Ranier because he was so perfectly chivalrous. And blind to Solas because He was a fellow apostate. Another mage caught in the middle of a mess. Granted  _ he _ started this particular mess but still. I just don't know what to trust anymore. Aside from you,” I answered truthfully. He squeezed me for a minute. 

“I think we need to go back your Skyhold soon.” 

I was surprised. “Why?”

“Because we have work to do and we can't accomplish that by languishing by the beach. Keep the house, I'll get another doctor to come take over my clinic for an undetermined amount of time. And hopefully your people don't burn me at the stake.”

I snorted. 

“They'll have to burn me too.”

“That.. Isn't funny,” 

I turned in his arm and put my hand on his chest. “It wasn't a joke. I finally found you. The one that fits in that little crooked spot on my heart that I've been waiting for my whole life.”

He pressed his forehead to mine. “Only took the world going to shit a few times to get there,” he said with a wry chuckle.

I laughed. “You helped that, you know.”

He sighed, albeit dramatically. 

 

We spent the rest of the afternoon working on magical meditation techniques, and how to try and control my emotion-based magic responses. It was gruelling and fun. When Dagna called us down for dinner, the 4 of us sat and talked. Sera more or less interrogated him. But not about his past. No... she interrogated him about his intentions towards me.

He was very friendly through it all and even joked back once they got past their initial silliness. Anders talked about the clinic, and some of the more eccentric people in town. He offered to make homemade waffles for the next morning and instantly Sera was his best friend. 

Probably because food. 

When we all finally went our separate ways, I pulled Anders back to my room. I locked us in the room, and without saying anything at all, I started to undress before going into the bathroom to start running a bath. I had a massive bathtub, it would fit at least 4 people comfortably. I added some minty bath oils and turned to find him watching me from the door. He had taken off his shirt and shoes, his pants were unbuttoned. A fine smattering of hair disappeared into the v of the zipper. I could feel a blush crawling up my chest.    
Little lights appeared in the air and he laughed softly. He pushed off the doorframe and walked towards me. I scratched at my side, and he grabbed my hand to still it. “Are you alright?” he asked with a smile. I nodded, bringing his hand to my lips.    
“I just worry for.. Everything. Dagna is moving so fast, and I have a feeling this safe haven of mine will soon be gone when I have to go home.”   
He nodded, pulling me into his arms. I laid my head against his chest. “You and me, against the world,” he said quietly. I nodded this time.    
“Take a bath with me?” I asked, looking up. He raised an eyebrow.    
“You’re thinking dirty thoughts aren’t you?” he asked. I shrugged. “Maybe. Why?” 

“Because those little purple lights are back,” he whispered in my ear. I laughed, pushing him away. I stooped and switched the water from the main faucet to the overflow. I climbed into the water and moaned as the hot water enveloped me.    
“You made getting into a bathtub sound sexy,” he mused, standing over me. I flicked water at him and just reclined in the tub, closing my eyes. I heard the rustle of him removing his pants. He cleared his throat, and I looked up. He had his hands on his hips. I scooted forward, and he climbed in behind me. I settled back against his chest. He took my hand in his, wrapping his arm around me. 

“You know, it is going to be odd. Being back amongst the general populace. Am I still a fugitive?” he asked. 

I shrugged. “Does it matter? At this point, with what is at stake? Is that the important part of things? Life changed, for us all, the day the Chantry exploded in Kirkwall. It was the beginning of the end. But see, while that catapulted us into the future, the mages annexing themselves, the Templar’s losing their minds. It was all going to happen. Whether or not your choice was made.” I took a breath, squeezing his hand. “At this point, mages are free. For better or worse. Templar’s have been made into protectors. And the Seekers have been rebuilt from the ground up. Cassandra has done some impressive things as Divine. I will have her pardon you if it comes down to it. But I don’t think it will. Varric will be happy to see you,” I said. He snorted.    
“He will. He’s supposed to come back to Skyhold in the next couple months, his mini-vacation from being the Viscount of Kirkwall,” I said with a chuckle. Anders choked, sputtering about the least reverrent dwarf running the city of chains and all I could do was laugh. He eventually calmed, “Are you serious?” he asked. I nodded. “He’s actually doing a good job, even tho Bran was not happy with him trying to give me a title and lands there. Might take him up on it someday, but I have some work to do before then,” I answered.    
He took a breath.    
We sat there in the hot water for a little while, just… basking.    
I broke the silence a bit later. “Anders?” I said quietly.    
“Hmm?”

“Thank you,” I said before I could think about it. 

“What for this time?” he asked, tightening his arm around me.    
“For not treating me like I’m special. No pedestal. No cotton gloves. No placating. You treat me like I’m a person. Which I will be forever grateful for,” I spoke quietly.    
“You’re welcome. It helps that you are extremely easy on the eyes. And you soothe that dark side of me like nothing else ever has. Also, there is the fact that.. Unlike anything else in my life leading up until now, I have never ever been more sure of something,” he said.    
“Sure of what?” I whispered.    
“That I was meant to meet you. Here. And that I was supposed to give you what is left of me,” he whispered back. I felt my heart constrict in my chest.    
“This has moved so fast,” I said. “But you are right. Meant to be.”    
He hooked his free hand under my chin, turning me to look up at him. I saw little blue lights popping into the air but I couldn’t even care. His lips gently pressed to mine. My heart slowed in my chest, his lips stealing that last little bit of my soul. He proceeded to show me how much we were meant to be.    
Three times

 

Later as we were falling asleep, entwined in my bed, I felt.. Right. 

I was falling head over heels in love with a man who spoke to the very core of me.    
I had a world to save.    
And I was going into this with his hand in mine. 

  
  



	4. Unexpect the Expected....?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone Meryna should have, but didn't, expect shows up on her doorstep. Things move a little quickly from there, as plans fall into place to go back to Skyhold.

I laid there in my bed, listening to him breathe next to me. I was having a hard time staying asleep, and I didn't have the heart to abandon the man to my bed alone. I looked over, and I felt my heart stutter at the look on his face. Relaxed contentment. Far more beautiful than the worried expression he had worn when I first met him. I took a breath.

I was immeasurably glad I found him. He made me feel whole. I made to leave the bed when I heard my doorbell ring. I sighed, grabbing my robe and awkwardly putting it on as I made my way to the front of the house. I frowned when I saw the Mayor standing outside the door. I opened it up and blocked the opening with my body.

“Good morning?” I said, a little testy. 

“Yes. Well. I needed the doctors services,” he said without missing a beat. I snorted.

“There is an on call replacement for when he isn't at his clinic, you know this.” 

“Ah this situation is more suited for Doctor Anderson's attentions.” He shuffled his feet, puffing out his chest.

“Is someone dying of some odd mallady?” I asked him. 

“No. Would you get him please?” 

I shook my head. “He's due in at the clinic in an hour and a half. You can wait. And don't come to my house for non-emergencies.”

“How dare you!? I'm the Mayor!” he declared indignantly. I rolled my eyes.

“I don't care. You aren't  _ my _ mayor. My house is outside the city limits. Beyond that, I don't answer to you. I outrank you, so don't try to pull that on me. And, as a bonus, I don't like you. Go home.” I closed the door on his shocked face. I grinned on my way back to the bedroom. Anders was sitting up in the bed, yawning. 

“Where did you go?” he asked when I sat next to him. 

“Your Mayor was at my door… I told him to wait if no one was dying. He may be unhappy with me.” I felt a blush creeping up my neck. 

“Why?” he asked with a grin. 

“I said I outrank him and that I don't like him then closed the door in his face?” I muttered. He laughed, falling back onto the bed. I rolled my eyes and left him there, mumbling all the way to the kitchen. I attempted to make coffee one handed, but I had no idea how to work our coffee pot. I was perusing the cupboards looking for filters when he came into the room behind me. I could feel how.. Amazing he felt. It was heady. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, kissing my head. He pulled me away from the counter and finished with the coffee like the professional that he was. 

I sighed, watching him with a mixture of awe and greed. 

_ Miiine.. _ The voices whispered. I sighed.

He certainly was. 

A little while later we were sitting at the table drinking said coffee and discussing the prosthetic arm I was going to be trying today. I was equal parts excited and apprehensive. I had gone through so much pain the last few months and I was really not looking forward to more.

The day passed in a haze of worry and laughs, until Dagna called me down to her lab.

Once down there she unveiled it, pulling the silk sheet off of the table and presenting me with a gorgeous arm. My stomach hot, I reached out and ran my fingertips over it. I could feel the hum of the magic in it. I could feel my own magic pulling at me to get to it. It was strange. The arm was a matte stormheart, like it had been smudged. One of the runes was set in the forearm with the mechanics. There were a few wires and a flexible ball joint at the elbow. Next to it laid a sleeve for the stump of my arm, inlaid with 2 of the runes Dagna had made.

I touched the fingertips of the arm, soft and supple. I looked at her. 

“Is it odd that I'm afraid?” I whispered. She gasped.

“No. No it isn't! It's been a very long year, Inquisitor. You've had nothing but upheavals and changes and this is just another change. It will take a lot of getting used to. And you won't need to use it all the time anyways. You'll get tired or your arm will be sore. Things happen. We'll take our time and you'll learn it like you have relearned your magic!” she said with a big grin. I sighed. I slipped my sweater off my shoulder, and she wasted no time. She slid the sleeve over the sensitive skin, and I gasped as the runes touched my skin. This frisson of  _ more _ slithered through me. I felt things in my head click, in a way I had been trying to manage on my own. I put my hand to my head, and Anders stood by watching with trepidation on his handsome face. His nostrils flared when I looked at him.

“I can  _ feel _ it,” he said with awe. I nodded, my heart racing. I looked back to Dagna. She lifted the arm and attached two of the wires to little couplers on the sleeve, before slipping the end of the arm over my stump. I refused to move until she had it strapped into place, a harness strap around my chest and neck. She opened a panel on the forearm, pressing a small blue button. I gasped again when the little seams of the metal glowed a bright blue, obvious power flowing through it and into me. 

“Try to move your fingers,” she ordered. I nodded, concentrating on my new hand. For a frustrating minute… then two.. Nothing happened. Then the thumb twitched and Dagna squealed. “MERY! MERY YOU DID IT!” she screeched, bouncing on her toes. I could feel sweat snaking down my back, and an ache starting at the base of my neck. I looked around a little wildly. Was this actually happening? 

Anders stepped forward, pressing a hand to my face. “You're spending a decent amount of magic to get this to work,” he said with a frown. I nodded. Dagna nodded too. “There has to be a learning curve. Her body and brain and magic need to create and maintain new pathways to the arm. It will take significant work at first. But your body and brain will adapt. You're a smart person, and you're the strongest one I know. You've got this,” she declared with a shrug. I sighed. We worked at it for another hour, with the end of things at me moving three of the fingers. I was mentally exhausted when we were done, and I was so relieved when she removed the arm and the sleeve. Anders took me up and tucked me into bed, a soft touch on my temple and I was gone. 

 

**\---**

 

I woke up a couple hours later feeling like I had slept for days. Anders was sitting in a chair at the desk, reading a book. He looked up when I moved, smiling at me ruefully. 

“There you are,” he said, getting up and walking to the bed. I rolled into my right side, yawning and stretching. He brushed unruly hair from my face. 

“Feel better?” he asked, studying my face. I nodded.

“That was far more difficult than I thought it would be. I hate to think how that would go without magic to aide me,” I said with a shudder. 

“Are you hungry?” he asked. I nodded again. 

“Then let's go eat.” He held out a hand and helped me climb from the bed. I still had on my tank top from earlier, the loose yoga pants. I followed him from the room, yawning as I went. We ate a simple dinner of sandwiches and fruit. Then he took me back to my room, and gently undressed me before putting me back into the bed. This time he joined me, much to my pleasure.

I laid on my right side, facing him. He laid on his left, facing me. “She's right, you know,” he said, surprising me. 

“How so?” I asked. 

“You're amazingly strong,” he answered. I sighed. 

He shook his head at me, “I'm serious. You've gone through hell and back, and even though you're a little worse for the wear, you've come out strong and resilient,” he said. I raised an eyebrow. 

“It's really stunning to see. You're all awkward and blushy but then there's this spark in you when you pull the Inquisitor out and she is intimidating and fascinating. Your eyes get darker and your shoulders straighter. You exude a power that gives me the chills and makes me want to know her the same way I do this side of you.” 

I felt a shiver snake through me. 

“Really now?” I asked, knowing I was blushing again. How did he do it? He managed to simplify this 5 year mess my life had become into *Mery has two equally stimulating sides and she is magnificent*. It tore at my heart because here was a man who was as lost as myself, and he wants all those jagged edges that make me.. Me. 

“Anders?” I said quietly.

“Yes?” he whispered back. 

“I'm afraid.”

Admitting it was a wound to my pride. But it sat there in my stomach, this little cold part of me that was terrified I was never going to be alright again. That between the Inquisition, the magics, Solas and the world dissolving around me, I was forever damaged goods. 

“I know. Me too. But if I'm with you, I'd say our chances are vastly improved.”

I shrugged. He pulled me against his chest, hugging me close. I pressed my face into his neck and took the offered comfort. And when he pulled back, I took the offered kiss. I welcomed the heat curling through me in response to his carefully wandering hands. I relished the change need lingering in his eyes. I pushed him back onto the bed, straddling his legs with my own. His hands rested on my thighs, his eyes raking over me. I pushed my hair back, then watching his face I reached down and wrapped my hand around his cock. His eyes closed and his breath hitched. 

I stroked him once. And twice. Hot and hard in my hand, skin silky as can be. I leaned forward and swiped at the tip with my tongue. The sound he made when I wrapped my tongue around his cock was satisfying. The hand tangling in my hair was urgent and encouraging as I began to move my mouth over him. Up and down, my fist following my lips. His stomach tensing every time I pulled my mouth a little further back. He was trembling when I finally took my lips from him, his cock glistening. 

He looked up at me and took a shaky breath.

He held out a hand, and when I placed mine in his he slowly say up until he had both of our hands nestled against my back. His lips a breath from mine. His heart racing against my chest. His other hand pulled me forward, guiding himself to my very ready entrance. I have a low moan as he very slowly slid inside me. I trembled against him when he was fully sheathed. His eyebrow arched, and hair fell over his forehead. He blew it away before claiming my mouth. And he kissed me, agonizingly and thoroughly. His tongue moving with our bodies as he began to shift beneath me. The friction was delicious, sending little waves of heat coursing through me. I wouldn't have moved for the world, locked against his chest, instinct riding me as I rode him. 

As time crawled, I could feel my power unfurling inside me. Loose and lovely, it eked out into the air around us. Little bursts of blue light that danced around us in the darkness of the room. I pulled my mouth away and pressed my forehead to his. “Ah, you slay me,” he whispered as we began to move faster. Desperation colored our movements, that need that was never fully gone now that we had tasted the perfection of each other. 

As I clung to the edge of my sanity I closed my eyes and let go. 

I trusted. I leapt from the cliff into the abyss, abandoning reason and sanity. Loosening the rein on my magic. 

Freedom in the falling. My head fell back and I cried out when my orgasm took me. His face pressed to my neck, his voice joining mine not even a moment later, my magic pulling him with me. Spasms and heat. Trembling and twitching. Tension giving way to the blissful high. My ears were ringing so loud I barely registered his wry chuckle. My head came up and I looked at him. I pulled my hand away and brushed the hair from his face. 

“You, Ser mage, are mine,” I whispered fiercely. He raised his eyebrows. I placed my thumb over his lips to hush him.

“I've never ever felt this free. Ever.” My heart raced a little faster. 

“I need you to really hear me. I went from a circle, to being an apostate, to being a prisoner accused of murder. From that to the Herald of Andraste then onto being the Inquisitor. These months with you have been the most enlightening, frightening and freeing I've ever had. I don't think I could go back if it weren't for you. You coming with me.”

His face softened. “I love you too,” he said with a beautiful smile. I felt a tear escape and his hand brushing it away. I kissed him. 

“I never thought I could love this way,” I whispered. “I was sure after everything, I was broken and far too gone to get this from life.”

He frowned. “You're so young,” he started to say but I shook my head. 

“I've lived a lifetime of pain in the last 7 years, and I've done awful things in the name of the greater good and I figured that would outweigh the good. But this? You? I feel alive. And loved. And I am beyond glad I followed those stupid voices. You are home,” I whispered the last. His hand brought my face back to his and he kissed me again. 

A while later we laid in the bed, tangled around each other. “Anders?”

“Hmm?” was the sleepy reply. 

“I do love you,” I said. I could feel him smiling in the dark. 

“Good. That makes two of us. Now go to sleep. You wore me out,” he said, his hand rubbing over my back. 

And with that we slept. 

An hour or so later I awoke with a start, my heart hammering away in my chest. I laid there, staring at the ceiling. I felt an ache in my chest. I'd have to tell him eventually, why it meant so much to me that I'd found him here. He rolled over and pulled me into his arms, snuggling close to me in his sleep. 

_It can wait_ wafted through my head as I drifted back to sleep out he safety of his arms.

 

**\---**

 

I awoke early the next morning, gasping and sitting straight up in the bed.  _ Someone _ was coming. I got out of the bed and grabbed Anders shirt from the night before, pulling it over my head. I walked through the house with my magic sweeping ahead of me. When I approached the door I heard a car outside. A moment of panic was all I allowed myself. After what I had nearly done to Barris I refused to lose control again. 

Or so I thought. I opened the door before he could knock and the shock at seeing Cullen at the door nearly made me scream. I tried to take a breath but… Nothing. 

“Hello, Meryna.” 

That was all he said before I felt a hand on my head and...

 

**Silence**

 

I awoke to pain my my chest. And the voices of at least 4 people arguing. I tried to sit up but was immediately dizzy. I put a hand to my head and tried to breathe.

Cullen was here.

That meant that Cassandra knew. And Leliana. And Josie. 

Fear snakes through me. 

I wanted time. Time to go on my own terms. I felt panic bubbling up again and was surprised when Anders walked into my room. “Ah that was you I felt. Good. Are you alright?” he asked. I shook my head, covering my face. 

“You.. Well you turned on every light in the house when you saw it was Cullen. I could feel your panic and was too late to stop you. And thus.. Sleep. I'm sorry I had to do that again,” he said as he sat next to me on the bed. I shook my head again. 

“He's really here?” I whispered. 

“Yep. Though you scared the life out of him when everything lit up and I knocked you out.” 

I sighed. “Help me up,” I muttered. He grasped my hand and helped me to my feet. He pulled me into his arms and I pressed my face to his chest.

“I'm not ready,” I said against his shirt. 

“You might not have a choice,” he replied. 

I snorted. He chuckled. I poked his side and he sighed. 

“Dagna and Barris are yelling at him for coming and breaking some promise. Sera is cooking. And yep that's all I've got. He is furious that I'm here by the way.”

I felt a frisson of anger at that. “He has no right,” I muttered. He pulled away and looked at me. 

“He has the most right. He was in Kirkwall when I was, love,” he said quietly. I shook my head. 

“I'll deal with this,” I said, turning on my heel and leaving the room before I could think twice. And thus I found myself in my atrium wearing Anders’ shirt and indignation when I confronted him. 

“Hello, Commander,” I said from the door. He turned and glared at me. 

“You're SLEEPING with him?!” Cullen yelled at me. I squinted. “Remember who you're talking to,” I said quietly as I walked forward. I stopped in front of him and looked up, raising my eyebrow. He stood there seething. 

“Do you know why I'm here?” I asked him. He shook his head.

“The Well led me here. Rather rudely, I might add. The voices harassed and kept me awake for weeks until I bought the house here. I had no peace until they led me TO HIM!” I finished with barely raising my voice. But he shrunk under my stare.

“I was broken. Completely and utterly. I was freezing the house in my sleep, causing storms, making the house glow. I had no control over how my magic had changed. I was exhausted and ready to die, Cullen. I came here to die.”

Dagna gasped and I could hear a strangled sound behind me. I swiped the tears from my face with my sleeve. “Mery,” Dagna said and I shook my head. 

“None of you really know what it was like. Not a one. You all propped me on that fucking pedestal and everyone figured I'd be fine. One of my most trusted friends betrayed me. The man I loved broke away from me to join the Wardens as penance, and love be damned. I had nightmares every night .. Of Hilamshiral and the Crossroads and the Vidassala and Solas. I was in so much pain magically that I came here to die in the sunshine and away from all of you who couldn't see past the Inquisitor to the extremely broken woman underneath. I was done. I couldn't do it anymore.” 

I felt Anders’ pain behind me. And it killed me that he had to hear this.

“I hated myself. The weakness and lack of control and how little control I still had over my life. So I left to die. And the voices were stupid. And persistent. And they led me here. I came to die. They brought me here to live.” I turned and gave Anders a shaky smile. 

“Inquisitor, do you know who he is?” Cullen asked me. I laughed. Bitterly. 

“Indeed. I knew within an hour or two of meeting him.”

He glared at me. “He killed the Grand Cleric!”

“And I killed half of fucking Thedas! Get over it!” I yelled at him. 

“Do you know what I had to do for the Inquisition? I bathed in blood. I killed hundreds of mages and Templars and Venatori and Maker knows what else. I laid waste to so many lives that I feel like no amount of good will ever ever mark me as even. I saved the world not once, but TWICE, I lost my arm and my friends in the process. Don't you DARE preach to me Cullen Rutherford!” I stabbed a finger into his chest. 

“ _ He _ saved me. That man you are shooting eyeball daggers at. He saved me. He healed and taught me. He brought me back to life. And he's going to help me stop Solas.”

I laid it bare. Cullen stopped breathing. His eyes searching mine. This was it. 

“You're serious,” he said quietly. I nodded. 

“Cullen you once trusted me. You put the fate of the world in my tiny hands. And you trusted me. Can you do it again or do I need to dismiss you from my employ and find a new commander?” 

He sighed. “Technically we're all unemployed,” he muttered, running a hand over his face. I shrugged. “Tomato, po-tah-to. I don't care. There's more to tell you but I'm not going to do so until you can stop being an asshat.”

He choked. “Did you call me an asshat?” he sputtered. I shrugged again. 

“If the shoe fits…..?”

Anders groaned behind me. Dagna had a hand over her face and Sera was sitting on the floor silently laughing. 

“I'm drawing up papers for Cassandra to sign, granting him a full pardon. Even though at this point I don't even know how ‘wanted' he still is in the wake of Corypheus.”

“How can you for..” Cullen started to say but I silenced him with a look. 

“Do not question me about this.”

The words were quiet but power crackled in the air around us. His eyes widened. 

“I'm done being told what  _ you all _ believe is right. I lived a long life under other’s rules and thumbs. I'm done. This is  _ my _ life. And I've done enough to earn this boon. Have I not?” I asked him with a told of my head. Cullen sighed. 

“The Chantry..”

“Fuck. The. Chantry.” I said succinctly. “They are half the reason that the Mage uprising happened in the first place. They ignored things and swept them under rugs. Cassandra is the first good thing that's happened to it in a long time. And Leliana being her Hand is probably the second best. But even now it doesn't wield the same power.”

Anders walked up behind me, his hand on my back. 

Cullen rubbed his neck. “Mery he's dangerous,” he started to say, a last ditch effort I suppose. I squinted and all the lights went out and an eerie green glow emanated from the floor. I pulled on my magic and stepped towards him. “Anders is nowhere near as dangerous as me. Ask Barris. Or better yet let me show you,” I reached out my hand and touched his, allowing my connection to the fade to feed him images from what had transpired here. All of it, except the lovemaking. That was mine. When I pulled away, Cullen fell to his knees, gasping for breath. I leashed the magic and left the room as the lights came back on. 

I walked until I reached my attic. Anders was right behind me the entire time, and he caught me when I finally released the Inquisitor.

“You are terrifying,” he said with awe, lowering us to the floor. I tried to laugh, but really just started crying. And he held me, letting me cry against his chest. I had no idea how long I cried, but when the tears finally ran dry he still just held me. 

Some time later his voice scared me. “Did you really come here to die?”

I nodded. “I was done. I had given them all I had to give. And I was tired. I was indulging Dagna and waiting for Sera to come back. I was going to just.. Let myself go in the fade one night. I just didn't want Dagna alone when I went.”

He kissed my head. “I'm beyond glad you didn't,” he muttered. I nodded.

“So am I. You came to me the day before I was ..” and his hand covered my mouth. “I can't even think about that.” He whispered the words but they hurt me as much as they did him. I looked up at him. 

“I'll never really understand what happened with the Well that made them so sure you were the answer. And I don't care. Because they gave me you,” I said. He nodded and kissed me. A while later we went back downstairs and found Cullen in the living room with Barris. 

He looked at me sheepishly and asked to talk to me in private. Anders tensed, and I touched his hand to reassure him. I went out into the porch to talk to Cullen. 

“You've changed,” he said quietly, leaning a shoulder against one of the railing pillars. I sighed. 

“What did you all expect? I was fairly broken when I left.”

“Not this. Not.. Not  _ him _ . Don't.. Let me speak,” he said when he saw my glower. “I wasn't sure what I would find when the Mayor called me. He wanted to know why some rogue inquisition mage was here making trouble. I was flabbergasted that you made it all the way here. I never expected any of this. Not what happened at the Council, not in the crossroads. None of it. And you were so sick when you came back and you left so abruptly. We had no idea what to expect. We all kind of floundered. Except Leliana.  _ She _ thrives on chaos. The woman is maddening,” he muttered the last. I chuckled.

“She is fabulous. I love her tenacity. It's refreshing. Beyond all that. I wasn't ready to help anyone or ready anyone. I'm still not, not really. My control is precarious at best still. I'm working on it but it's..” I sighed, “it's a process. Without Anders, I would he dead. And at that, I love him, Cullen. Full speed, head over heels, I love that man. He makes me feel alive. This is the only selfish decision I've made in almost 4 years. And if you cannot accept that. Accept that without him, the world would have ended up where it is anyways because.. Let’s face it, not all Templars or Mages are good and keeping people imprisoned because of a fluke of nature is unnatural.” I stood up and raked my hand through my unruly hair. “Varric told me the entire story of what went down in Kirkwall. It was awful. For all of you. But that was nearly 10 years ago and the world was literally on its knees as a result, when we saved it. Several times. I don't care anymore. I can't. I'm incapable of stretching any thinner Cullen. You were my friend once. You helped me face things no one else could. Are you going to walk away over this?”

My voice was quiet and the growl he gave reverberated across the porch. “No. I won't. He seems a far different man than the one Hawke kicked out of Kirkwall. He's still technically wanted, though.”

I shrugged. “I have friends in high places. And even though technically the Inquisition is no more, Skyhold and I still carry weight. And beyond that, I do not care. I can't. This.. This is mine. All mine.” The whispers slithered about in my head, giving me images and a feeling of right. 

“Mery?” I heard, shaking my head to clear it. 

“Sorry. The Well is persistent today. They are sure that Anders is a crucial part of stopping Solas. Helping turn him from his plans as it were. I believe them.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Really? The Well still speaks to you?” 

I nodded. “We're getting better at understanding one another, seeing as I do not speak ancient Elvhen and they don’t speak common. And as they don't.. Learn? Learn the same way we do as they are just a collective of memories and so on. But, they knew or felt Anders was here before I did. They led me here, to him. They were excited when I found him. And he soothes that jagged edge left by the loss of the mark and Blackwall.. Fuck, Rainier.” I stood up and started to pace. 

“I'm a necessary part of this. Always have been, and it's just.. How it is. I'm getting better at accepting that. You should too. We all have parts to play. How it all pans out is still in the air. But,” I turned and looked at him, “but, we all have a choice to make. Stay and take it, or leave and hope for the best. I'm staying, Cullen. With Anders at my side. So take it.. Or leave it.” I held up my head. 

He sighed and held out his hand. I shook my head and made the oaf hug me. He muttered as he hugged me, “Guess I'm taking it, whether or not I like it.” I laughed. 

 

Later on that night, when I was laying in Anders’ arms and trying to stay awake, a thought occurred to me. “You awake?” I whispered into the dark.

“Am now?” he muttered. I scooted up the bed awkwardly and looked at him. 

“I'm going to miss the beach,” I told him. “What? Did you really wake me up about the beach?” he exclaimed. I shrugged. 

“I saw you there that first night. After the clinic. I was so conflicted. And there you were, wandering my beach without a shirt on and you nearly killed me. Can we go for a walk?” I asked.

“Oh for.. Yes. We can. Do I get to wear clothes?” he muttered. I snorted. 

“That's a silly question,” I teased, kissing him quickly before climbing from the bed. I put on one of his bigger shirts and wrapped a blanket around me. He pulled pants on and we quietly slipped out of the house. Once we were down on the beach, the moon shining on us, I snuggled against his side as we walked. 

“Alright this was a good plan. I think I'll miss it too. Is it cold at Skyhold?” he asked. 

I shrugged. “In the keep? Not so much. Plus you should see my bathroom. I've got the sexiest jetted tub. Rawr,” I said with a laugh. He hugged me. I stopped walking and spread the blanket over the dirt, sitting on it. He sat behind me and we stared off into the frothy water, dark and nearly ominous. He held my hand, keeping me close. 

“After all is said and done, I say we come back here.” 

He surprised me, as I wanted to suggest the same. 

“I love it here,” I admitted. “The mayor leaves something to be desired, however.” 

He sighed. “Yeah I think I'm going to have to be a jerk to the jerk. Yay.”

I snorted. Then I turned my head to look up at him. “We're really going to do this aren't we?” I asked. He nodded, brushing my hair from my face.

“Well and truly,” he answered. 

I nodded back. “Make love with me on the beach, the way we wanted to that first night in the fade. Take me in the moonlight and love me,” I whispered. He gave me the most beautiful smile, “As you wish,” he whispered before kissing me. His hand holding my head high, he lazily kissed me, there in the moonlight under the stars. Eventually he pulled his mouth from mine, helped me to kneel in front of him. He unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it from my body. A warm breeze played across my skin, followed by his attentive hands. He caressed and skimmed his fingers over me, chasing goosebumps and flooding my stomach with heat.

He laid me onto the blanket, before he set his mouth to my skin. A nip with teeth, a swipe of his tongue to soothe. A lick and a suckle. I couldn't help but watch him, so intent on his mission, the moon plying silver in his hair. His hands led his mouth down my body, until he reached the apex of my thighs. He looked up over me, wonder in his eyes. 

“You look like flawless porcelain laying in the moonlight like this. Creamy and perfect. I feel like I've been given the most incredible gift,” he said, pressing his lips to my trembling thigh. Then his lips met my sensitive skin and all of my control shattered. His tongue following his fingers, sucking and pulling at my clit, his hand anchoring mine to the blanket as he relentlessly drove me over the edge. I laid there writhing on the blanket, his mouth setting me on fire. My eyes closed and I drifted on the intense pleasure. My voice carried into the night when my orgasm claimed me. My ears ringing and my heart racing. 

When my mind finally returned to my body I opened my eyes to find him over me, watching my face. 

“I'm trying to memorize the moment,” he said, and I could see the blush creeping over his skin. I grinned up at him, reaching down and caressing his own arousal. The arm he was propped on shook, and his eyes closed as I stroked him ever so slowly. I whispered, “Are you still memorizing?”

He gave a shaky laugh and pulled my hand away before settling his hips against mine. His lips claimed mine as he thrust and fully filled me between one breath and another. His hand linked with mine, drawing it above our heads as he began to move. I wrapped my legs around him as he drove himself deeper and deeper. His forehead pressed to mine, his skin slick, breath hot. 

And there, under the moon, he carried us off into magic. I could feel it in the air around us.  _ Inside _ us. Feeding the passion and the very gritty need in the air. When I opened my eyes, his own were fixed on me. And in the sky was a bevy of lights, brilliant and shimmering, swirling and sinuous. Pulsing with the movements of our bodies, melting together when I cried out, giving in to the pleasure. He ground his hips against me, his voice harsh as he followed me into bliss. 

I could have sworn I felt the earth shake beneath us as we laid there quivering and breathless. He relaxed on top of me, his mouth tickling my neck as he tried to catch his own breath. 

“When, shit, when I went I bed I didn't expect to be having you on a beach before actually sleeping,” he murmured against my skin. I pulled my hand away and brushed the hair from his face. “No better time than now, I would think. Besides, I couldn't leave here without getting to have you here, where I first wanted you.”

He lifted his head and sighed. “You are trying to kill me,” he declared as he rolled off of me. I waved my hand and created a warm breeze to flow over us. He grabbed said hand and kissed my knuckles.    
“Only you would drag me out of bed in the dead of night to lay on a beach naked,” he teased me. I rolled onto my side to face him. 

“I need you to trust me when we get back to Skyhold. There are going to be protests. And we can’t go into this without folks knowing who you are. But, I think we’ll be surprised by the support we’ll have as well. I have a good number of mages still, that stayed on even after the college was set up and the Inquisition ‘disbanded’.”    
He closed his eyes, listening to me. I continued, “I promise I will not let anything happen to you, unless I’m the one doing it,” my voice was rough when I finished. He grinned.    
“What will you be doing to me?” he asked, playing innocent. 

“I will have to figure that out. I seem to be running out of ideas,” I hedged, making him laugh. We laid there talking, planning for that very uncertain future where we were certain of very few things, including the fact that we were irrefutably in love.    
The rest? We would take it as it came, not much else we could do. But we could do it together, hand in hand on our way into the rest of forever. 


	5. The Way It Should Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all go back to Skyhold and start the big ball rolling on their pursuit of stopping the Dread Wolf. Meryna brings a whole host of big names to the keep, not limited to Anders and Varric, but Kess Hawke, Fenris and even our loveable Dorian an Bull.   
> Plus.. Smut 

**4 Days Later -**

 

We sat in a private airport lounge waiting for the go ahead to board the jet that the Divine sent for us. We were all going to Skyhold, Cullen, Barris, Sera and Dagna, Anders and myself. Plus all of our stuff, hence the jet. 

I kept eying that platinum case that held my new arm. Yesterday I had been at it for hours and had finally managed to make a fist and I even flipped off Cullen. Much to everyone’s amusement. Even his own. It was good to see him smile. 

I sighed, rubbing my neck. Anders looked over at me and gave me a rueful smile. 

“It'll be fine,” he said, nudging me with his shoulder. I just gave him a look. 

“Promise me you'll knock me out after we board,” I said for the fiftieth time. 

“Of course I will. No downed planes on my watch. I still think you're overreacting though.” 

I poked his arm. “Better safe than sorry. I can't always stop the panic and control is not my friend at that point.”

“Oh believe me, I remember. It'll be okay, love,” he said, smoothing a hand over my thigh, kissing my forehead. 

“Pssh,” I said with an exaggerated eye roll. He chuckled at me. 

“Wake me as we land. I need to be the first off the plane. To make sure my instructions are being followed. For your safety.”

He nodded. “I remember. You act like..” but I interrupted him. “It's all part of the crazy girlfriend package. Just roll with it,” I muttered. 

He smothered a laugh. 

Then he leaned over and pressed his lips to my ear, “You're far more than a mere girlfriend,” he said softly. Goosebumps scattered over my skin. 

“Oh, really now,” I said, turning to face him. I ran my thumb over his chin, my eyes studying his face. He had trimmed his beard, had on his glasses and his hair was pulled back like usual. He had a blue sweater over a tan button down shirt, khaki pants and real shoes. He looked all professional and sexy. 

“If the plane wasn't gonna be here soon, I would steal you and make out with you in some closet or something,” I said quietly. His eyes shined. 

“You know…” he teased, but I just shook my head. “Tonight, in my bed in my castle will be soon enough. Besides, with my luck someone would walk in on us and I'd freeze them or something and drama would ensue,” I shrugged. He laughed softly. 

“But it would be fun drama,” he said before giving me a light kiss. 

Before I could answer the young lady manning the desk called out to us that the plan was landing. 

I sighed. He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. “It'll be fine.” 

 

**7 Hours Later -**

 

“You did WHAT?!” Cassandra hissed at me. She wasn't wearing her robes today, and why she was at Skyhold I would never understand. 

“You heard me perfectly fine. You are not deaf, woman,” I said through gritted teeth. 

Anders was up in my room, and I was explaining in very certain terms that I had zero intention if being ignored.

“I can't just pardon him,” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up. Barris snorted behind her. 

“Yes you can,” I said quietly. “You and I both know the consequences of what has happened is not just on his shoulders. Not even close. If you want to fault him, then you need to do the same to me. I killed far more in my journey to kill Corypheus. If his hands are still bloody, then my entire being is more so. I have asked for little in the aftermath of… Everything. Very little. I kept the keep. And let the Inquisition go.” I turned and stared into the big fire in the hall. I absently rubbed my hand over my arm stump. “I am not asking as the Inquisitor. I'm asking as someone who has given everything to make sure our world stayed safe. Including a part of my body,” I said, not a little bitterly. 

She sighed, flopping down into a chair. “Can I speak to him?” she asked. I went upstairs and had him follow me back to the hall. I stood there, holding his hand. 

“Well. You're surprisingly normal looking,” she mused. 

“You can't just say that, Cassandra,” Barris admonished from behind her. She had the grace to blush. 

She stood up and walked over to us. 

“You're lucky I have a deep and seemingly endless supply of love for this woman,” she declared. He raised his eyebrow, “Imagine that. So do I,” he said. 

Barris coughed. Cullen snickered and turned away. 

Cassandra raised one sharp eyebrow. “You think you're funny?’

He smirked. “I know I'm funny, but my saying that wasn't meant to be. We've never met but I know who you are. How could I not when you hunted me like a dog for several years? That doesn't change anything though. The moment I met  _ her _ , the entire world changed. She calms that part of me that had never been soothed before. She did that before I knew who she is,” he informed her. 

I sighed. “The world has changed, for the better, Cass. And right now, we have a job to do and we need his help. Solas was the last person with the same control over the fade that I had. But Anders? His is even better than mine was. I'm getting better now, with his help. And Dagna’s.”

Dagna brought the case to the table, and with a flourish all her own, opened it and showed the arm to Cassandra. “We finally did it,” she said quietly, which was a surprise given how excited she's been about it. “It works, Your Worship, it works so very well. And I think it's going to be a key to helping us, helping  _ her _ get where she needs to be in the hunt for Solas.”

Cass sighed, rubbing her face. 

“Fine. I'll sign the pardon. However, if you so much as think about being stupid, I'll make Barris arrest you immediately,” she declared. I gave her a look. 

“No. You won't. Because we all know what's at stake, Cassandra. Every one of us in this room. There is nothing conventional or by the law going on here. Solas doesn't care about human laws or feelings. Not right now. And I'm not going to be able to be all law abiding in this. Sign the pardon and we will get to work. You can go back to Val Royeaux and act like you know nothing more. Safer for you that way. I'll keep Delrin informed, and he can share what is necessary. For your protection.”

She heaved a gusty sigh. 

“Fine. Damn. I hate when you're right,” she muttered, bending over the table and signing the pardon. Dagna took it to make copies and I gave Anders a hug. 

Cassandra gave me a look. 

“Cass. Come with me,” I said, before leaving everyone else there. She followed me out to the garden. 

“I don't know what or if Cullen or Barris have told you. But, I went to Rivain for exceedingly selfish reasons.”

She sat on a bench and patted the seat next to her. I sat down. 

“I didn't intend to come back,” I said softly. 

“I know.”

I shot her a look. 

“It doesn't take a genius to see when one has been broken beyond repair. What was in your heart was not for me or even the Maker to fix. I had hoped you would find purpose on your travels. And even though you found it in the form of love with a man who.. Is questionable, I still can say I am beyond glad you came back.”

I sat back, closing my eyes. 

“I found him the day before,” I said quietly. 

“Maybe it was meant to be that way.”

“Maybe. I do know that I could not have made it back here without him.”

“I.. Don't entirely understand. But I will try. You love him,” she stated. I nodded.

“I do. Fully. He is everything, and I cannot imagine life without him in it.” 

“Well, then who am I to stand in the way?” she asked with a wry grin. 

“Have you told Varric?” she asked.

“Ah. No. Not yet. I was going to call him tonight and ask him to come for a visit. Might be easier than doing it over the phone where he could hang up on me,” I said. She laughed. 

“Oh he's going to be furious. And happy. Whew, I wish I could see his face when you tell him!”

I laughed. 

“Maybe I can use his whole ‘didn't tell Cass where Hawke was’ thing to shut him up?” 

She laughed. “Good luck.” She sighed and got up. “Guess I'll go back to the city. Let me know how the Viscount reacts,” she said with a wink. 

An hour later I sat at my laptop, up in my room, holding my cell phone. Anders laid on my bed, his eyes closed but his body tense.

I put my phone on speaker and listened to it ring.

“Well if it isn't my favorite Inquisitor!” Varric answered his phone. I laughed.

“I'm your only ex-Inquisitor, Varric,” I teased.

“So what do I owe for the pleasure of your sultry voice?” 

“I have something I need to tell you. And it can't be over the phone.”

“Is it about  _ him _ ?” he asked going all serious.

“Not quite. But that's a part of it. I'm sending the jet for you.”

“Oh I'm sure that will please her Divine Holiness to no end,” he muttered. I sighed.

“It was her idea. Can you be ready in a few hours?” I asked.

“For you? Anything. I'll be there before dark,” he said before hanging up. I heaved a sigh as I set the phone down.

Anders stared at me from the bed.

“He sounds good,” he said quietly. I nodded. 

“He is thoroughly enjoying himself, though he pretends to complain to keep the Seneschal on his toes. He also gave me the key to the channel chains, and an entire mansion all to myself. I haven't been yet but he tells me it's there whenever I choose to go.”

“I still can't imagine him as Viscount.”

“Ah well he isn't the stuffy, sitting in his office type. He's always out and about in the city, trying to make it better and safer. He's doing amazing things,” I said. I went to the bed and sat next to him. 

“You alright?” I asked. He nodded slowly. 

“It’s surprising, I expected more resistance.”

“Oh just wait. I'm sure we'll find some. Especially some of the remaining Templars that were around when you.. Well when things happened.”

He covered his eyes with his arm. I flopped back onto the bed. 

“Welcome to Skyhold,” I said with a sigh. I looked over and found him watching me from under his arm.

I gave him a smile. 

“Would you like a tour or would you like to kill time some other way?” I asked, my voice suddenly a bit husky. He squinted at me.

“Are you suggesting improper things, Inquisitor?” he teased. 

I shook my head. “Nothing with you is improper.” His breath hitched. He rolled onto his side, looking down at me.

“So what is this other way you speak of?” he asked, brushing hair from my forehead. I crooked my finger at him, beckoning him closer. Once his nose was nearly touching mine, I smiled. 

I drew his mouth down to mine, gently kissing him. I pulled him over me, his body settling in mine, his heart erratic already. Slowly I kissed him, drawing out the pleasure as his hand slid down my body. His hand pulled my dress up my thigh, leaving fire in its wake. He pulled his mouth from mine, gazing down at me. 

“Your eyes are a little wild. Your hair mussed and you're quite possibly the most delicious thing I've ever laid eyes on.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What kind of delicious are we talking here? Because in one way I don't mind.. But I'm vehemently against cannibalism.”

He laughed, his forehead dropping to mine. 

I ran my finger over his lips. 

“Anders?” I mused. 

“Hmm?”

“I think you have too many clothes on,” I said. A light in his eyes as he lifted himself off of me. His shirts were gone in a quick flourish, and his pants and underwear soon followed. He stood there in the waning afternoon light, nearly glowing with his beachy tan. He held out his hand and helped me to kneel on the bed. He reached behind me to unzip my dress, and he slid it down my body, taking my panties with it. He lifted his hand and made a rotating motion with his finger. I turned away from him on the bed and soon he was pressed against my back. His arms were around me, palming my breasts and making me shiver. 

His lips trailed along my shoulder and up my neck. I turned my head to catch his lips, a sigh settling on his lips from mine. I could feel his cock, hot and hard against my lower back. I shifted my butt, gently rubbing against him, making him give a low groan. 

“You're a witch,” he murmured, his mouth still on mine. I laughed softly, a laugh that faded into a moan as his left hand trailed down my stomach, slipping between my legs. First he just cupped my sex, his hand absorbing my heat, his heart hammering at my back. Then he spread me, his fingers delving low to gather my arousal, before gently rubbing my clit. My pelvis pressed to his hand, my head falling back onto his shoulder. 

His breath on my ear made me shudder. “Give me your pleasure, love,” he said, his voice a near whisper. I shook my head and he tsked at me. Then my skin felt like his hands were everywhere, magic in the air that tasted like mint and  _ him _ . My nipples hardened under his invisible ministrations, my stomach quivering under the feel of his invisible mouth. 

Then I was gone, his mouth on my neck, his hands, real and spectral, sending me into a dizzying orgasm. A harsh cry was torn from my mouth as I gripped the arm between my legs for dear life. His soft chuckle sent fresh goosebumps across my skin. 

He pressed me forward onto my stomach on the bed, his pelvis against my butt, his hand raising my right knee. Aah then he slid inside me. His cock hot and throbbing, his breath on my shoulder. He shuddered above me. 

I let go, as he began to move. I unleashed my magic, letting it soar through the room as he burned me from the inside out.  And I felt it all. I felt his need. My own. His body's flushing and trembling, my greed as he took me. How  _ he _ felt with my body wrapped tight around him. His hand slipped between my stomach and the bed, his fingers finding my clit. And he rubbed as he thrust, faster then faster still. The room began to glow, a brilliant bright purple that made me grin against the bed, even as that grin turned into a low moan. 

His soft laughter made my stomach even hotter. “Amazing, that's what you are,” he said, his voice strained. Then he slowed his pace. His strokes long and tenuous. Within moments I was nearly dying from  _ need _ . 

Begging.

Pleading.

My need fueling the magic in the air.

Then he took us over. The plunge into the abyss was intense, beautiful. The trembling and the sighs. The ragged breaths, the clenching hands. His breath against my shoulder, his heart against my back. 

He brushed my hair away from our faces, kissing my neck and finally pulling away. I laid there, like a well satisfied lump in the bed. He brought a cloth to the bed and crawled into it with me once we cleaned up. 

I laid my head on his shoulder, sighing. 

“Best waste of time ever,” I declared. He laughed, a lovely sound. 

“I would never call what we just did a waste of time. How about a practical and lively use of time? Or an exercise of the sexual endeavor?”

I paused as if thinking. I looked up, wiggling my eyebrows, “How about we call it a practice session for what will happen later tonight? And hopefully tomorrow.” 

He kissed my nose. “Practice it was. I promise I'll improve next time,” he said. 

I acted shocked. “If you improve too much more I might die from the pleasure,” I said. He grinned down at me. “Die huh? Damn,” he whispered before kissing me softly once more.

“Maybe we need to practice again,” he said, pulling me on top of him. 

And so we did. Twice more. 

**\----**

Later on, one of the staff came and summoned us. The jet was on its final approach to the mountain. I put on a long skirt with a couple of layered tanks. I pulled a sweater out and put it on over the rest, and I went downstairs barefoot. Anders was waiting in my room, for me to talk to Varric alone first. 

I greeted him at the big hall door, as he came walking up in a dapper suit and tie. He greeted me with a hug, some “Wow, I missed you,” and “Damn you look great.” We talked for a few minutes, before I took him to a nearby table and chairs. I offered him some whiskey. 

“Alright, now you're worrying me. You never offer anyone alcohol. What happened this time?!” he asked. 

“Well. I left for a while. You know that. I took Dagna and went to Rivain. Of all places. Little town in the coast. I bought a house. Dagna made me an arm. And I found someone there.”

He sat forward, drink forgotten. “Oooh. Did you go and fall in love?” he teased. I shrugged. “I found a doctor. Of sorts. He’s surprising. He's kind. And gentle. And loving. See he was hiding too. In a manner of speaking. And as lonely as I was. Something in him soothed that jagged edge inside me. Just as I soothed that beast inside him.”

He stared at me. “Have you finally cracked?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. I shook my head. “Come with me?” I asked, getting up and walking to the door to my tower. He gave me a look but followed, taking off his jacket as he walked. I opened the door to my bedroom. Gestured for him to go through first. 

“I have to say, if this is your version of seduction, I'm appalled. I thought Dorian taught you better,” he tsked at me. He walked up the stairs and stopped at the top. He found Anders, standing at my fireplace, his hair neatly combed and clothes back in place. He turned with a wry smile. 

“Are you fucking KIDDING ME?!” Varric yelled. I closed my door and warded the room. 

“Varric let me explain,” Anders said but Varric held up a hand. 

“This is your doctor?!” he hissed at me, turning and fixing a glare on me.

“This is your reaction? You're acting far too angry for all your ‘Anders this’, ‘Anders that’,” I asked him, throwing up my hand. 

“Do you know how hard it was making him disappear?!” he groaned, flopping into the chair at my desk. 

Anders walked over and patted him on the shoulder.    
“Varric. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. I found him in Rivain. Or rather the Voices from the Well did and I just followed them blindly. There is more to the story but that is the gist.” I said it all from the other side of the desk.    
“Cassandra has granted him a full pardon, from the Chantry and the Seekers. The remaining Templar’s will follow suit, Barris will see to that. He’s free, Varric,” I said softly. He gave me a look. 

“It took me 2 years to cover his tracks enough for Cassandra to finally lay off of his trail. It was constant and hard work,” he muttered.    
“And it worked. It took ancient magic to find me, so there is that,” Anders offered. Varric threw one of my paperweights at him. Anders caught it with a laugh. “I’ve missed you too,” he said. Varric tossed a look up, then got up and moved to stand in front of Anders.

“Well, turn around. Let me get a look at you,” he said with some authority. Anders complied, giving me a grin. Varric punched his arm, then dragged him into a hug.    
“Damn,” he muttered. Anders heaved a sigh and hugged his friend.    
“Shall I leave you two alone?” I asked. They both shouted NO at me and thus I sat on my bed, listening to them reminisce and catch up for hours. I had one of the kitchen staff bring up some food and left them to it. I dozed after a while, their voices lulling me into a light sleep. 

A bit later, Anders was waking me up. “Varric went off to his old room to sleep, we’ll talk more tomorrow.”

I nodded and stretched, “Everything all good now?” I asked sleepily. He nodded, kissing my forehead.    
“Thank you,” he said quietly. I gave him a smile. “For what?”

“Giving me back my friend,” he said.    
“You still had him, just had to be apart for a while. I could tell he still loved you, even before everything else that happened,” I told him. He just shook his head.    
“It’s been beyond lonely,” and I just nodded. I knew how he had felt. He had shared that and so much more over the last few months.    
He climbed into bed with me and we fell asleep wrapped around each other. 

 

**Two Days Later -**

 

I called for everyone who was still with us to convene in the war room. After Anders and I warded the room, I had everyone take seats in the chairs I had asked the staff to provide. 

I stood in front of them all. Barris and Leliana, Josie and Cullen. Dagna, Sera, and Varric. I had Leliana connect the laptop in the room for Cassandra to hear what I had to say. 

“As you all know, I brought Anders back from Rivain with me. It's a much longer story than I'm going to get into now, but suffice it to say, he's here to help with our current problem. Seeing as I disbanded the Inquisition, and handed the forces over to Cassandra, we have a far more limited amount of folks at our disposal. Leliana still has her spy network but she hesitates to use them unless necessary. Solas has shown that he has no qualms with subterfuge and infiltration. That said, I still feel we have a chance.”

Everyone waited. I motioned to Dagna and she brought out the platinum case from below her chair. She laid it on the war table. I walked over and flipped the clasps and opened the case. I had her help me put the arm on, and once it was securely in place, she turned it on. Surprise flowed around the room. 

“Dagna and Sera went with me, as you all know. And they managed to make me an arm that works. It harnesses my new magic and helps me control what I already had that has been out of control since.. Well since.”

I moved the arm, flexing my fingers and wiggling them. I summoned a little ball of light with it, dancing it around the fingers. I could feel the sweat on my back from the effort I was spending. I looked around at them. 

“We have one chance. To prove to Solas that we are a world worth saving. He doesn't want this any more than the rest of us. And I know you are all hesitant to believe me. So, Anders is going to help me show you all. I need you all to hold hands, everyone of you.” I waited while they all linked hands, with Anders and I finishing the round about circle. I closed my eyes and felt Anders link is own magic with mine. 

It was heady, all this power at my command.  _ Our _ command. I thought back to when I walked through that last eluvian, dying and broken. 

 

**Statues littered the broken courtyard, and all I could think of was the death waiting for me. Pain was the new constant, and I could feel it unraveling my entire body. That last blast at the fucking Saarath had done me in. Not that it wasn't coming anyways.**

**I stumbled between the frozen qunari, their faces permanent masks of anger and horror. I could hear the Vidasaala yelling at Solas.**

**The Dread Wolf.**

**The irony? That I had asked him about a thousand questions about the Dread Wolf in our travels. And he had answered every one with skepticism and how did I not see it?!**

**I saw a flash of blue light and then.. Silence.**

**I clumsily made my way up the last few steps.**

**“Solas,” I said, before another pain shot through me. He walked over and did** **_something_ ** **to me, taking.. All the pain?**

**“I'm sorry,” he said, his voice sad. “I did not wish it to come to this.”**

**“What did you expect would happen? You infiltrate the palace, drop dead qunari at my feet and I'm supposed to, what? Walk away?” I hated that my voice cracked. “You.. You were my closest friend. You taught me and helped me in ways I am still trying to understand.”**

**“I know. And I regret that it had to be this way. I hope you know that I've always respected you. And care for you deeply,” he said, not looking at me.**

**“But you left,” I said quietly.**

**“I did. There is much you do not know,” he started to say, only to look sharply at me when I snorted.**

**“Like you're Fen’Harel? The Dread Wolf? Man made into legend?” I said, angrily stalking towards him.**

**“Ah.” That was it. Then he explained. How his people, the ancient elves, had fallen so far from what they were meant to be. Setting themselves up as gods, and killing Mythal. How he set about erecting the veil and separating the Evanuris into the fade and trapping them there. To keep them from destroying the world.**

**But now the veil was failing, and the world was in chaos.**

**And so he planned to take it down and try to reverse time to undo what he had wrought with his ill advised plan.**

**“You can't do that,” I gasped.**

**“It's the only way,” he said sounding so defeated.**

**“Solas this world.. It has so much good in it. Mothers and fathers and children and love. So much love,” I stated, swallowing a sob.**

**“That is irony, Meryna, is it not? That you speak of love while nursing a broken heart?”**

**“Isn't that the point though? To live and love and learn and love more? To grow and change and give and really live?”**

**He cocked his head, staring at me a little too intently.**

**“What would you have me do? Let the veil fall on its own and leave you all to your devices?” he asked, frustrated.**

**“No. Let us help you. Please?” I pleaded.**

**My hand started to glow again, and I fell to my knees as pain blossomed in my arm.**

**“It's going to kill you,” he said sadly. I nodded. “It is. But what a way to go,” I joked. He choked back what was obviously pain. He knelt by me.**

**“I await the chance for you to show me a world worth saving, Inquisitor.”**

**I shook my head. “I can't show you,” I said, my heart breaking a little more.**

**He reached out and smoothed a pale hand over my hair. “You can. I'm sorry for what's next. But you'll live. And you'll be able to find me if you really try.”**

**He kissed my forehead, “Dareth Shiral, talon,” he whispered. Pain tore through me, as my arm disintegrated into green magic goo. I screamed, falling forward, blackness swallowing my mind.**

 

I gasped, releasing their hands and falling to my knees. I was shaking and I was on the edge of my control. Anders leaned down, wrapping an arm around me. 

“He brought you back to us,” Cullen spoke up. I looked at him, wary. 

“He brought you through the mirror, bleeding but alive. Your arm was gone and he had been crying. He gently handed you to Bull, and told him to get you back to the palace quickly or you would die. I had caught up with them at the last mirror and Dorian was trying to heal Vivienne and Bull was just standing there in shock after you ran through the mirror. Solas surprised us, bringing you back. And he.. He was broken, Mery.” 

I hung my head. I had.. Refused to let any of them speak of it when I had regained consciousness. It was harsh but they had respected it. 

I let Anders pull me to my feet and he helped me take my arm off. While Dagna put it back in the case, I looked around. 

“You all know the last year has been.. Trying. At the very least. And here you sit. Still by my side. I don't deserve you,” I said quietly.

Cullen snorted. Rudely and loudly. “Damn right, you don't. You deserve more. But the powers that be cut you off at the knees. But,” he stood up, walking towards me, “we are not all that's left. Leliana had her network, she never disbanded them, just dispersed. Cassandra has an entirely new band of Seekers that are doing things the right way. And me? Well I've got a whole host of ghosts out there, just waiting for the signal. Soldiers and ex-templars. Ready at a moment's notice to do your bidding. Because you matter, Meryna Trevelyan. More than you could possibly know.” 

I was actively crying by the time he finished speaking, and everyone started clapping. 

By the time we left the meeting an hour later, we had something resembling a plan going on. We were going to get Dorian and Bull back here, and Varric was going to have Kess Hawke and her husband Fenris come. 

We already knew that a good portion of the elves from across Thedas had disappeared. Mostly likely to flock to Solas’ side in preparation for his own plan. But, we had a few aces up our own sleeves. Like Leliana’s friend Zevran, an irreverent rogue elf that used to be a Crow assassin but now freelanced. And had no real love for elf-kind as a whole. Sera was also going to use the Jennies. And Varric was going to try and find Merrill. 

We would need all the magic we could get. 

That night, I laid in my bed, wrapped in Anders’ arms, when a thought occurred to me. 

“What if we altered the veil before he.. He could tear it down?”

He stilled on the bed beside me.

“Alter it how?”

“Make it less barrier and more.. A smudged glass window through which things could more easily pass without losing their coherence..?”

“Why?”

I sat up and ran my hand through my hair. 

“I saw countless books in the crossroads. Research and such that Solas had obviously been doing on his own there. I've.. Got an eidetic memory. I can remember everything I've ever read.”

He whistled. “That's a heavy weight to carry as a mage,” he said softly. 

“It is. But that's not the point right now. Could it be possible, if we pool enough strong potent magic, that I could use the same type of spell he wants to use, to alter the very fabric of the veil before he could sunder iit?”

“What spell?” 

“Ah. It is long and involved. So involved that it'll take weeks to prepare. And I'll need some very rare things to make it so. Including some raw lyrium. Which I'll need Varric for. But.. I think we can do it. I have to check some things in the morning. There's a place, that the voices want me to go. All of us.”

“Your voices are weird.”

I laughed softly. “They really are. Do you trust me?” I asked, leaning over him. I studied his lovely face in the near dark, all hard planes

and a smile that melted my soul. 

“Always.”

I kissed him. “Thank you.”

“For?”

“Being the best thing in my life,” I whispered. He sighed, threading fingers into my hair. 

“Never thank me for that. Because you're the same and I thank the Maker very day for it.”

“We're a pair, aren't we?” I mused. He chuckled, a low sexy sound. 

“Oh we're something. Like wide awake in the middle of this super amazing bed. And look? Your shirt is miraculously missing!” he said with a flourish, making my shirt disappear. I let him push me back onto the bed. Then? I got lost in him. 

I forgot about the rest and fell into all that was  _ him _ .

His lips, claiming mine.

His hands, caressing my neck, my breast. 

His breath, hot and catching.

His hips heavy on mine, his arousal hot against my folds.

And his heart, ah his lovely heart. Beating against my chest, erratic and mesmerizing. 

_ Mine _ . 

Soon enough, magic filled the air, his and my own. Whorls of lights, cascading around us. 

When he finally filled me, pressing his cock deep, I nearly expired there. He rolled onto the bed, his hand holding mine to anchor me to him. His hips thrusting beneath me, steady and hard. His skin glowing a faint blue as the entirety of his being fell into  _ me _ . 

What was control if you had to leash it  always during the most base of the heart's desires? What was giving all of yourself if you had to consistently hold part of you back out of fear? 

Anders, he gave me  _ everything  _ there, on my bed in the middle of Skyhold. Even that part of him that had lost him everything. 

I watched his eyes, glowing in the dark, his lip between his teeth, his hair spread on my pillow. I stopped moving, panting and watching his face. 

“I love you,” I declared there, with him about as deep inside me as he could get. 

“I love you more,” he answered, his voice strangled and his entire body trembling. I smiled down at him and he groaned when I moved over him, freeing my own magic. And we tumbled into the abyss together, a mass of flesh and love and need and sighs. 

And a grand fall it was, long and steady as we claimed each other's pleasure. Pulses. Shivers. Spasms. Gasps. 

All. Mine. 

 

**In the ensuing weeks new faces gathered in Skyhold and it was no longer the lonelier place it had been. Hawke and her husband showed up with their gaggle of dogs, and word on where their friend Merrill was. Dorian and Bull arrived in the midst of a bright orange travel spell cloud, surprising everyone in the courtyard.**

**Skyhold filled with people, and with magic. Kess Hawke, Dorian, Anders and I awaited the arrival of one Merrill. She would be the lynchpin in things, if I had my way.**

 

“Blood magic is not the answer,” Kess warned me for the 100th time. I sighed, sitting on the edge of the wartable. I had written out the spell I wanted to use. But it was very involved and blood was an integral part of it. 

“Anders and Varric both told me things about Merrill. How she had far more control over herself than the usual blood mage. Neither supported it but they respected it. And this isn't blood magic per se. It involves the use of blood, but it doesn't need to be ‘from the vein’ so to speak.” Kess heaved a sigh. This was a battle we've been having since I first met her. 

“Blood magic is a tool. Just like rift magic or being a knight enchanter. It's the person using it that is the issue. And their intent.”

“I say…”

I held up my hand. “Are we in any position to quibble about the means by which we do this? Do you have  _ any _ other answers?” I asked her. 

She rubbed a hand over her face. Her black hair was pulled back in a long braid, her blue eyes clear. “No,” she ground out. 

“Then stop arguing. It helps nothing. And with all of us there, there isn't much chance of it going too far awry.”

A couple hours later I sat at the wartable alone. Varric was off getting me the massive amount of raw lyrium I required. Kess was preparing some of the ingredients we had on hand, and Dorian was with Bull procuring the rest. And here I sat, wondering if my plan would work. 

In theory…

But this was Solas we were talking about. 

And massive magic left a mark on the world for all to see. 

But, the voices agreed with me. This spell, ancient and elvish, could very well do it. Alter the veil, and fix it. Giving the world back it's magic and saving the elves while I was at it. Hopefully. 

The Well was giving me ways to tweak the spell, things to add to boost the power, things to add to greater balance the new state of the veil.

I swiped my hand over the sheets of paper on the table, closing my eyes as I gave the information there to the Well.

And their clear affirmatives were all I needed to know we were doing it right. 

**\-----**

That night, I was sitting on my bed watching Anders undress. Kess had finally given up on the blood magic argument when Fenris stepped in with some logic I hadn't expected from a former Magister’s slave. 

All in all it had been a productive day. Merrill was supposed to arrive tomorrow, presumably with Varric. Things were rolling and I was excited for the first time since.. Before I lost my arm. Well, excited for something not related to Anders. He gave me a whole different kind of excitement. 

He finally climbed into the bed naked, a look in his eyes. And then he laid me there, kissing away any anxiety in that way only he could. And when we fell asleep hours later, I had my head over his heart and had never felt more sure we were doing the right thing. 

All of us.

I was going to show Solas a world worth saving. And then I was going to ride off into the sunset with my complicated and divine love. 

And I'd be damned before I let anyone stop me.

Solas or otherwise.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will likely only be one or two more chapters left, as since things are going to move somewhat quickly for Mery and her merry band of friends.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Hiding](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13404888) by [Nymeria_Snow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nymeria_Snow/pseuds/Nymeria_Snow)




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